Rachel's Revelations

Is this blog still here???

2011-08-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought this thing was dead since I ignored it for so long! I'm speaking as though a blog is an 'entity' and in a way it is. Perhaps I ignore the thing because I don't want to tell you anything or perhaps I'm simply lazy.

As I would have said to my Jr. High diary..."sorry I haven't written". And I am. I've started a new chapter in my life and will do my best to share any revelations I think are worthy. Will begin work on a Masters of Liberal Studies with a concentration in Gerontology on August 26th.

Love to you all, R

Oranges are like Jesus

2010-11-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

My friend Gretchen brought home to me that Christ is like an orange.

People ask me, "what are you doing to evangelize your parish?. Do you go door-to-door? Do you 'witness' on the street? Do you tell people about Jesus and how they're going to benefit from His love?" My friend Gretchen, the Children's Minister at our church, made the best case for evangelism I've heard in a long time. I learned this...I can tell you how Jesus will affect you like I could tell how an orange tastes when you've never had one!

I cannot describe the texture, taste or acidity. I cannot tell you how wonderful you will feel after weeks of subscribing to the health benefits of that vitamin. My description of the joy of that fruit will not be your same experience. I actually have no claim to the sweetness. YOU have to experience orange and Jesus in YOUR OWN WAY!

If I were to 'tell' people about how they will 'feel' Jesus, then I'm only thinking about myself. My wish is to invite people to feel Jesus for themselves...their own intelligent, feeling and thinking selves. THAT is the witness. That is the way to evangelize! That is the way to tell people they are smart enough to figure it out. Do NOT explain Jesus when Jesus is unexplainable. Do NOT believe that Jesus is the same for everyone. Do NOT believe you have a monopoly on who Jesus is. You're a cherished child of God but you're not the only one :)

Do it now!

Calm after the storm

2010-10-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

The morning...6:00 on a Saturday. All is lovely and calm and I wake in peace and make the coffee. Next...meditation and Bible study. There are moments of question, wonder and peace. Then for the list of Saturday things...chores, correspondance, domestic shopping. Then...BANG! A storm hit us today that really scared me. I went outside and brought everything in that I didn't want to blow away. I cleared out all of the junk from the pantry floor and got in just to make sure I fit. Sure nuff, the weatherman said I should get in there! So I did! I worried about the yard, the roof and trees.

After the sirens stopped and the wind ceased, I came out. I approached the back door tenderly and found that all was well. In my hurried moments of preparring for a storm, I thought, "Why were all those thing not already taken care of? Why hadn't I already put things away that didn't belong outside in the first place?

Why are there things in my life that are 'out there'. That should be 'in'? Why do I wait till there is a crisis to protect and organize my life?

Double-Down

2010-05-03T15:57:00.000-07:00

Today I was driving along like a normal human being when I saw a billboard advertising this little snack. It's just a snack that KFC is so pleased to bring us. We all need to eat, right? So why not eat this meaty and scrumptous ....um...thingy. It's two deep fried chicken breasts instead of bread surrounding cheese, bacon and some sauce I can't identify...and numerous other ingredients that aren't revealed I'm sure!!!!!!

Okay! So I'm displeased! Why is anyone offering this horible abomination? Do they not listen to health reports? Do they not care about people who are forced to purchase their dinner from fast food restaurants? If I were suicidal...I just might get in my car and drive 3 miles for this meal!!! What in heavens name are they thinking??? just take a good long look at this product and tell me you're not disgusted!! Go ahead...tell me!

The End is Near!!!

2010-03-30T18:42:00.000-07:00

Thank heavens...thanks goodness it's almost over. The end of Lent is near and Easter and the promise of our salvation from ourselves is near. I'm tired. I'm done. I'm ready for this moment of forgiveness...of self realization and renewal. Every year Lent nearly does me in. Remember that I'm Lutheran at heart and teter on the Martin way of self examination. Is this horrible? Is this detrimental? Perhaps. But I know that as I make this journey, I'm truly doing the work to learn, to become and to be the servant and loving person God designed me to be. As we experience Holy Week we journey with all Christians in the way of joy and discovery in this moment of amazement and celebration in the moment of realization of love for all people. Christ only wants us to love and embrace each other. Join with me as we wait for a renewed love for all people in servanthood and respect.

Spring Plantings

2010-03-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

I've just planted my spring garden. I got dirty with stuff under my nails and everything...wonderful! I'm looking at those little seedlings and thinking, "when will you produce?! When will I see the fruits of my labor." I think of the tilling, the sweat, the wishing and dreaming of what I might 'get' from this gardening action. How can I not compare this planting to the work done in relationships, in meeting new people and the simple act of investing in just living.

During this season of Lent so much work is done to grow and become...will I see a result? Will I 'be' something new after all this work? Or will I just be the same as before...dormant and deaf? After I plant something I find myself checking on the plants every morning. I actually speak to the plants and think silently..."are you happy and content? Do you have enough water, sun and nutrients?" Why wouldn't I wonder the same about myself? Do I have enough strength, study and umph to continue to grow and actually produce? I must remember to love, condition and listen (as I think my plants do) so I may grow and be fruitful for those around me.

Growth Spurts Hurt!

2010-02-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

Do you remember when you were about 12 to 16 years old and an adult who hadn't seen you in a while would say, "You're growing like a weed!" I remember thinking that I didn't feel like I had changed all that much but realized, I saw myself every day and wouldn't notice any big changes in my appearance. All youth experience growth spurts where it seems like their stomachs are bottomless pits and they experience actual pain as their bones elongate and their bodies stretch into more adult-like beings. In addition to the physical changes there are the emotional changes. To one degree or another there is teenage angst! The figuring out...The wondering why...the fighting rage against authority as we find our independance. It's a huge transformation at that time in everyone life...we've all experienced it.

Today is Fat Tuesday or as I'm already aware, the day before Ash Wednesday. Tomorrow is the day that begins our 40 days of painful growth. It's strange to imagine that any season of the church year should or could be painful and I'm certainly not advocating that we dread this time. My thoughts lean more toward honest reflection and thorough examination as we prepare for the celebration of Easter. My challenge each year is to find the exercise which will bring me the most awareness of God...will help me best hear God speaking to me about God's love for me and which direction I should face when thinking about personal growth and closeness to God and the resulting love I can exhibit to those who are hurting or are in need. It may be through an organized Lenten study. It could be through quiet reflection each day with journaling. It could be experienced in a dedicated time of silence and meditation in which we listen intently to the inner voice through which God speaks.

The painful part is the intense act of facing myself and bringing forth those parts of me with which I am dissatified. The parts of me that worry, distrust, seek to control and are selfish. I know when I'm on the other side of this Lenten journey I will have experienced a growth spurt. If we fully participate in this preparation we will have grown and could possibly suprise ourselves in our outcome. We could look into the mirror and exclaim, "Wow, You've grown like a weed!"

My challenge today is that we all decide to engage and participate in this opportunity to discover, grow and become as we prepare for the season of Easter.

Snapshots

2009-12-23T05:06:00.000-08:00

I have a collection of negatives of photos from my mother's childhood. This one is my mom, her brother and my grandmother. I look through these negatives and have had some developed and love looking at them. I love to study them and imagine what they were thinking. Imagine what their lives were like then. Since I wasn't there I can only fill in the blanks as I listen to stories and attempt to put the whole story together. There are favorite stories that are told over and over. I have favorites like why all the Christmas photos are taken on the front porch complete with the Christmas tree having been dragged onto the porch with all the gifts...no flash on the camera. Another favorite is why in the world my mother and uncle would spend hours in the cow trough braving yellow jackets and thirsty cows...just to stay cool in the brutal summer months of Texas. Even with all the family stories and photos, I still only have a part of the story.
This Christmas I'm listening intently to the stories of Christ and wonder again...what don't we know? When I read scripture and study what it could mean for my life I keep in mind that I only have a snapshot of the whole picture. I can't possibly walk around saying that I know everything God's intends while I only have a little bit of it in front me. It's natural for me to look at the negatives in my collection and try to fill in with own thoughts. But they are only guesses. It's the same with scripture...we cannot put our own words and beliefs into the story just because it sounds nice. I would even go so far as to say that there are many of us who look at those moments in time and make them into something they are not. In the photo above it looks like a nice moment of a happy mom with her two children just standing in the yard. But what about grandma's thoughts. Is she thinking about the fence that still needs to be mended or about the watermelon crop that didn't make?
My revelation today is that I must not always take scripture at face value. We must allow for possibilities that are bigger than our brains as we study scripture learn what they mean for us individually.

What are you waiting for?

2009-12-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

Just now I realized I had been sitting at my desk without one single stretch for 2 and a half hours and decided to get up for some coffee and a little break. I walked into the sanctuary just to think a bit and was glad to see the lights were off...well I thought they were off. As I passed through the doors I saw that the Christmas trees and the garland hanging from the balconey were lit. I was immediate drawn in and walked over to admire one of the trees. At first I stood back to see the whole tree. Then I walked closer too se the stiching on the ornaments. Then for no reason at all I put my face right next to the tree. Actually, I put my face IN the tree. The only thing in my vision was light, garland and symbols of Christ. I was immediately immersed in the hope and forward looking that the Advent season brings. We wait. We prepare. We imagine the peace that the love of Christ brings. We are many times distracted during this season as we prepare for guests, buy gifts for those we love and work in a frenzy to get everything done "on time". Take a moment to stick your face into something that blocks all that out. Take a moment to think of what you're waiting for means to you.

Highlights!

2009-09-28T12:55:00.001-07:00

The first time I was introduced to the word 'highlights' I was sitting in the dr.'s office waiting for a shot I had to get before I would be allowed into Kindergarten. I sat there practically hating my mother for making me get a shot so imagine my growing calm as I found a magazine that was most surely published just for me for just that moment. Highlights magazine became the only good thing about going to the dr...seeing if there was a new issue so I could freshly mar the pages with mom's pen. I couldn't wait to connect the dots, find the objects hidden in pictures and learn how to grow a bean in a day.

The second time I notice the word 'highlight' a teacher asked me to tell everyone what the 'highlight' of my summer was. I realized immediately that 'highlight' equals 'the best part'. Just like the best part of the dr.'s office was the magazine (not the sucker) What was the highlight---the thing worth mentioning more than anything else.

Now in our church staff meetings each Tuesday we 'highlight' upcoming church programs. We make sure everything that has the possibility of impacting church members and visitors in a positive way, happens. We highlight the event so that the experience is meaningful and memorable for everyone involved. And I can't get through that part of the staff agenda without thinking about connecting the dots, finding the hidden meanings and how we might help grow new relationships. Highlights...not just for the young anymore :)

The Treacherous Path

2009-09-22T17:28:00.001-07:00

Often we hear of staying clear of the treacherous path. We are told that we sin and then we are on the treacherous path. Temptation, the direction of sinfullness...the bad way. Today I wondered about being IN the treacherous path. What if I'm just walking along and I see the treacherous path from a distance? I'm not necessarily a part of the treacherous path but I can see it....over there...in progress. Today I'm thinking about being on the curb of that path, seeing it in progress and then making the decision to stay AWAY...to not 'step in'. That path is in sight and I can decide whether or not to step into it or step away. People spreading their hate, people talking about things that don't involve them...a path that moves like a rushing 6-lane city highway. It can only be dangerous. Make the decision today to turn around and stay out of that path.

Daydreaming

2009-08-06T11:43:00.001-07:00

I just realized I haven't blogged in a bit. Apparently I've been distracted...for how long I'm not sure. Oh well, here I am and I had a thought so I'd better get writing!

During the summertime, I tend to get distracted. I'm always distracted BY the same things and FROM the same things. Things that distract me are sunshine, playing outside, grilling, daydreaming, bird watching and napping. Things I'm distracted FROM are work, running errands, housework and spiritual study. It's like my brain is on a summer vacation for way longer than I've been allowed by my employer. This summer has been especially difficult and I'm wondering how I'm going to get back on track. I'm also wondering if I'm the only one experiencing this distraction. I mostly get concerned about the distraction from spiritual study. I haven't picked up a biblical commentary or study in two months. But I have been talking to God about what fun I'm having this summer. Amazement at God's creation as birds swoop through the yard and earthworms nourish and break up the ground. I'm wondering if maybe it's okay to take a little break, be a little distracted and experience the childlike side of spirituality for an extended period of time...just letting myself experience God rather than chasing God through paragraphs in a book. Just my thought for the day.

The (Right) Stuff I'm talkin' bout

2009-07-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

July 20, 1969, man walks on the moon. I'm happy to report that I was only one year old and don't remember this amazing moment in our nation's history. But for some reason I've always been intrigued by the story. In high school, my favorite movie was The Right Stuff. I decided that year that I would marry Ed Harris or Dennis Quaid...whichever asked me first. I watched this movie and was amazed mostly by the rigorous physical trials these individuals endured in order to be chosen to be on the team of those worthy enough to participate in the space program. I also fell in true love with Sam Shepherd as Chuck Yeager. What a man! He had all the ability and guts it took to excell over the highly book educated candidates but was never even a contender because of his lack of higher education.

We all know different personalities of Christians and other religions for that matter. We know those who have really big theology brains...those who have studied, dialoged and commentaried on every theological concept imaginable. I fell deep into that well in college. I mistook heady theology for spirituality. Then we know those who are all experience...all emotion...and never seem to sober up long enough to 'think'; decern for themselves what scripture says and how it will be applied to our own life. I think of how in The Right Stuff, there should have been a candidate who was the perfect combination of Chuck Yeager and the college boys. One who had the heart AND the brain in perfect alignment. I wonder if that's what we strive for in our relationship with God and in our practice of growing spiritually....that most healthy and worthy combination of heart and brain.

Big Red

2009-07-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

We spent last week with my parents between Sequin and Gonzales. Of course that meant a dip in the Guadalupe EVERY day. Ever since I was 7 and my sister was born we have made many trips to our pecan farm and now our parents live only 3 miles away. We did everything we always do...make our daily pilgrimage to the river loaded down with our plastic chairs, water and towells. You have to go slow in the summer because 1, it's hot. But we also have to keep an eye out for critters...snakes, ants and other creations of God I can't explain. When we were little the biggest treat of all was for Dad to take us to Goss'. Goss has a convenience store that looks like something out of Hee Haw. There was always fly paper hanging from the ceiling, there is no 'actual' door but a sliding piece of tin that was shoved aside during business hours. After crossing the threshold we knew the way to the soda water cooler. I'd lift the lid and fish around till I found what we wanted. A glass bottle of Big Red. We turn around avoiding the hound dog laying just behind us and walk over to the little window inside where Goss was sitting waiting to take our money. Goss always wore a cowboy hat and we knew he was there when we saw that old Caddy with the horns on the hood. There is nothing better on a hot Texas day than that red suggary concoction. This past week, Dad took us and we bought it again...against the better judgement of two grown up girls. Mr. Goss died last year but the store is still there still making the best Bar-B-Que chicken on Saturdays...go early, they run out early. Here's to childhood memories and great sisters.

My new bicycle

2009-06-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

In 1974, Santa brought me a bicycle. The frame came from my grandmother's barn. My uncle rescued it from the snake pit, primed it and painted it purple. Mom purchased a white wicker basket for the handle bars, a banana seat with daisies on it from the Western Auto along with some new tires for my uncle to install. On Christmas morning, it was standing in front of the Christmas tree all gleeming and beautiful. In my Christmas stocking was the final touch...rainbow streamers to stick into those rubber thingies at the end of the handle bars. What a gift! What a showstopper that bike was. I never thought I'd be more excited to receive a gift than I was that day when I was 6.

On Saturday of this past weekend, I was amazed again at the joy of a new bike. Except this time, it was a REALLY NEW bike. Yesterday as I was listening to The Stones sing, "She's A Rainbow" and completing my first big outing, I realized the stupid grin on my face and decided I didn't care who saw me. The feeling of riding that bike really fast all on my own was so freeing and so exciting that I've decided I'm going again! ...as soon as my hiney recovers from yesterday. What other simple gifts are there? Where else am I missing the joy that should be so plain? That bike and the effect it has on me now forces me to look...look hard...for more simple joys.

The loss of a girlhood heroine...

2009-06-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

It's Summer 1977 or 1978 in Pasadena, Texas. Kim Kelley, Melissa Padgett and myself are scrounging around the bayou near our neighborhood. We brought a bucket so we can pick wild dewberries...mom said she'd make a pie if we came home with enough but we always ate most of them as we picked them. When the berries ran out or we got bored with that...it was time to do what we really went down there to do - play Charlie's Angels! The terrain was perfect. In the Summer, the water running in the bayou was just a trickle so none of parents were concerned about us drowning. Just a lot of interesting sand piles at the top of the bayou and a bridge over the water made out of whatever we found. So we'd come up with a senario and decide what our mission would be. There were three of us so of course the only decision remaining was...who got to be Farrah! Melissa had dark hair and a haircut almost exactly like Sabrina's (Kate Jackson) so she didn't really have a choice - it was a given that she couldn't be Jill! So it always came down to Kim and me. After a few episodes of Charlie's Angels as filmed at the bayou we finally decided to take turns being Jill and the other Kelly. Many daring jumps across the 'raging river' and numerous shimmies across that elevated pipe that carried God knows what made for an adventure that I bet not many little girls have today. Gone are the days when parents can let their little girls hang out for hours near a construction site, let them explore a new house being built or play important women of the small screen fighting crime and eating berries.
Thanks Farrah for inspiring in me a sense of adventure and imagination!

What do you mean, NO!?!?

2009-06-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

I've often heard theologians, social analysts and just simply insightful people talk about how our society is a "ME" society. We girls are raised to believe we are princesses and very very special and boys are taught from day one that they are strong and can do anything. We are given love, yes, but we are often also given the nasty gift of a sense of entitlement by the very people who love us most...our parents. I don't think anyone is aware this is happening when they are doting on children in this way. We all ended up with this attribute to one degree or another. Children are told that they deserve a phone or a car or an allowance before they've earned it. For years and years we're just given stuff! for no reason except that we're vewy vewy special. Free gifts are wonderful and I'm certainly not indicating that I think no one should get anything out of simple love and care. Good grief...how could I get that whole 'grace' thing if I didn't. But my concern is this. How many years of 'you-are-wonderful-and-you-deserve-everything-you-want' does it take before we end up believing it. As teens we think we should have everything. As adults we get disappointed if the job doesn't come through even though we've worked as hard as we could. And as people of faith, we even start getting grumpy when God doesn't seem to be coming through on something we've been asking for. It's all the same. We think we deserve what we think we want. Well, I have a revelation for myself today (actually I have to remind myself of this about once a week) IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU HONEY! This big world is full of wonder and I've realized (again) that I'm a small part of it. I was also reminded to find my joy in it NO MATTER WHAT. As many of you know, I'm not saying to be one of those sacrine happy people in your faith. I'm not saying to walk around with your smile and singing that God will get me through when you're just not feeling it. Struggle, shake your fist, get mad, pray, figure it out. Take a while to do it. But through it all is a sense of God's love, patience and certain knowledge that growth is taking place.

Solitude in a crowd

2009-06-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

After walking from Arlington National Cemetery and across the Potomac, we finally reached the Lincoln Memorial. I was hot and sweaty and my feet were killing me but I had just enough energy to climb the steps so I could see the massive statue of Abraham Lincoln sitting on his throne. I shot into the shade, snapped the photo of Abe and got out of there...I just couldn't stand the heat and stillness of the air in there. My only want at that moment was to find a place where the air was moving and the sun wasn't glaring. I found this place by venturing out of the crowd. About 15 steps away and around the side of the memorial I unfolded my map of the city, sat on it and kicked off my flip flops. Finally, I was finding solitude...finding rest. In that moment, I started looking around. I decided that looking out onto the Mall was expected...so I decided to look up. And I was overwhelmed by the sky, the columns of the structure I was sitting on and the moment in the continuous history of that place. I thought of everything that has happened on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I wonder if anyone ever sat where I was sitting during of those historical moments. Anyway, I was reminded to look for and experience something other than the expected. That's easy when you're on vacation so I'm challenging myself to do that once I get home tomorrow. I'm going to start looking at things from a different angle. I'm going to try to remember to see things from another perspective...from a different point of view.

A meaningful moment

2009-06-12T14:43:00.001-07:00

At the Vietnam War Memorial, I had an interesting experience. As I was making the rubbing of my father's name, a group of young people asked me how I knew where my dad's name is on the expansive memorial. I explained about the book of names and the list of the death dates on the back of the piece of paper I was using for the rubbing. This simple question quickly turned into a list of questions :) I'm no expert on this memorial - when it was completed, the artist, etc. But I learned from these fellow tourists that there is still an interest in the people who experienced loss as a result of the Vietnam War. They wanted to know how old I was when my dad died. They wanted to know about my mom and what she did after that. They wanted to know about my grandparents and what there views were on the war after they lost my dad. They wanted to know if I am angry. We continued to visit for about 10 more minutes. I think we were greatly affected by each other. Imagine...strangers loving each other. What a meaningful thing to happen in the midst of a hallowed place.

The right path

2009-06-10T20:36:00.001-07:00

I took this photo today in Cape May, NJ just after I ate a fried clam basket with fries :) This picture is so serene and inviting but I'm feeling a little sheepish about that lunch! Oh well, I'm on vacation and I love fried clams. Harpoon Harry's is just across the street from this path to the beach and as we sat on the porch under an umbrella eating our guilty lunch, we eyed this path knowing without saying anything to each other that we WOULD explore this path. What I have found most interesting about the Jersey Shores is the really great sand, the sparse number of people on them and how extra cold the water is. The air is perfect and I think I could spend an entire week in a beach chair under an umbrella on one of these beaches.
As I walked down this path, I knew that I would once again find an inviting beach. I've been conditioned over the last two days to know what to expect. Beautiful path = beautiful beach. I wonder why I never think about that in my everyday life? I should know by now that when I eat fried anything, I'm going to have that full and unhealthy feeling. When I eat something healthy and fresh, I feel healthy and positive about how I'm treating my body. When I wake up and don't remember to say good morning to God, I feel lost and disconnected. When I start my day with a prayer or a devotion, I feel much more aware of myself and everything around me.
Today, I hope to begin to remember that I already know which path to take for the life result I desire...and then to take that path.

2009-06-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

After begging the young man guarding the door to let us into Old North Church in Boston even though it was closing time, we continued on the Freedom Trail toward Paul Revere's House. Behind the church we found an amazing court yard with lots of cobblestone, fountains and an Iraq and Afghanistan War memorial? You are looking at me through a wall of dog tags. I don't know who erected this memorial or who is keeping it up but it had lots of flowers and a dog tag to represent each of our soldiers who has lost their life in these two wars. Amazing how everyone stopped and became suddenly silent as they took in the number of pieces of metal hanging there. As we all stood there, a gentle breeze came and made the most beautiful tinkling chime sound I've ever heard.

First Night in Boston

2009-06-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

We arrived in Boston about 6:15 and after getting our rental car, drove to the hotel, dropped our stuff and set out on foot. We were in search of Legal Seafood which was recommended to us by a friend of Alvaro's. Now I've never liked any kind of soup with something fishy in it but I was determined to try the famous clam chowder in Boston. I'm now a fan!!! What a yummy thing. For my supper I had blackened ahi tuna and Alvaro had a big ol lobster.

It's 8:15 a.m. on the 7th and we're off to find some breakfast and then the Freedom Trail, Old North Church and the USS Constitution. We're also going to tour Harvard and of course find some yummy lunch :) We having a wonderful time together and making lots of great new memories. Love to everyone.

Time off

2009-06-06T05:04:00.000-07:00

We're flying into Boston where we will stay two nights before we rent a car and take a week to drive to Washington DC. I've never been to Boston or anywhere else in New England and it has been years since I've visited DC. So this is a very exciting trip for me. We don't leave for the airport for a few more hours so I'm having time to relax, have my coffee and think about the days ahead.

In addition to Boston Commons, Old North Church and the Freedom Trail, I'm also very interested in Club Passim where we're going to hear some live music. One of the best places to get a sense of people is to hear the music being played and the art being created. I've heard great things about this venue. I'll keep everyone updated throughout the week regarding interesting things we see, hear and do and of course...I'll volunteer my impressions. Today, and especially during these difficult financial times, I am thankful that we have jobs and thankful that we have time to leave our surroundings for a week and experience our world outside and experience each other in a relaxed state. Vacation, Here We Come!!!

Decisions Decisions.....

2009-06-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

I would like to discuss what this picture represents. I opened the pantry door just now to throw something away. I looked up and was shocked to see that we have what I believe to be TOO MUCH CEREAL!!! In case you don't see it well enough, there are 11 boxes of cereal on that shelf! I know for certain that I bought only one of those boxes although I nibble from all of them...but that's not what I wanna talk about.

Why would a household need this many different kinds of cereal? There are only two of us. I'm a Special K or Shredded Wheat kind of girl and my husband likes stuff with nuts and fruit in it. I worry that this plethera of choices indicates something about us that I don't like. Are we one of those couples who has too much stuff? Outside of the cereal shelf we don't seem to represent that couple. Maybe we can't decide what we like and we just keep trying to find what we're looking for. Maybe one of us is paranoid that we're going to run out. Maybe we're pack rats. Maybe we're expecting a lot of company I don't know about. Or maybe we keep thinking there's going to be a prize in the next box we buy.

Whatever it is, having this much cereal really makes me laugh. Oh wait, he's getting some right now..."hey, that sounds good, get me a bowl"

Do me a favor God...

2009-06-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

It seems recently that I've been hearing lots of people asking God for favors. Some people call it prayer but it just sounds like a bunch of 'gimme what I want' to me. Prayer has always been the most confusing part of the spritual aspect of my life. I run far and fast when people advise me that if I just have enough faith my prayers will be answered. That's comfortable theology when it seems like everything is going my way but how do you work that out when what you think you want doesn't happen. Did you backslide or something and God isn't smiling on your that day??? I don't believe in a conditional God so that one doesn't work out for me. In recent years I've been observing that the only thing I know for sure is that God will never abandon me. What I pray for is peace, the ability to allow God to guide me and for God to give me strength in whatever my situation is. I like to think of God as my friend manafest in Jesus Christ but I don't believe God is in my life so God can grant me favors. Seems a little familiar to me. I ask my earthly friends for favors.
I don't know...apparently I need to pray for more understanding of the nature of prayer.

Happy Breakfast

2009-05-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had breakfast at The Original Pancake House with friends. There is something about being on a little vacation that makes me want to eat breakfast out...and I don't play around with that breakfast. I don't order oatmeal or fruit or yoghurt. It's coffee, eggs and bacon the whole way! My friend Mark cleaned his plate and was informed by the waitress that because he cleaned his place it was going to be a great day. I didn't quite clean my plate but I made a little happy face so I could also have a great day. Throughout the rest of the day, Mark commented that our breakfast waitress was the best waitress he's ever met. She truly was cheery and helpful. I'm sure her elevated status was due to the fact that our coffee cups were never more than half empty. Whatever the reason, thank you sweet waitress for starting our day off on such an up-beat.

Thank you

2009-05-24T05:32:00.001-07:00

I'm out of town and haven't had time to post to my blog but I have a quick minute now. And what I'm thinking about is Memorial Day. This weekend is a great time off, a moment to take a break from our work and the marker of the beginning of the summer. But remember to take a moment to remember our fallen men and women of the military. No matter your feelings regarding our involvement in past or current wars, please think of the individuals who have laid down their lives doing what they felt called to do. I also think today of the families who have lost loved ones and I say an extra little prayer for them as well. It's a time of celebration and remembrance.

Driving Under the Influence

2009-05-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

On Friday I drove west to North Richland Hills to have dinner with my cousins. That's always fun because Craig can grill some pork chops and I like me some pork chops. Friday is my day off so I always love to just do things at my own pace. I always know what I want and need to fit into my Friday but there is no particular order and normally no one is waiting for me to arrive at a certain time...anywhere. Pure bliss! So as I left NRH after supper I pointed my car east and drove. I didn't have anywhere to be but I knew I wasn't really ready to go home. My husband was out of town and I felt like being 'out'...just driving around. To be honest, I felt like driving for a really long time. I think I could have just followed that sun into the West until I couldn't see it anymore. I felt full of thought and just kept getting more and more amazed at how God seemed to be hypnotizing me with that sun. It turned everything a color that I can't describe. All the buildings, the grass...the very air, seemed to be ablaze. Anyway, I finally decided to go home and was glad I took extra time getting there. What a silent and personal gift of peace that short drive was.

New Growth

2009-05-02T05:52:00.000-07:00

A sweet friend reminded that that I should post a photo of the fish basket once I got the plant in there. Here it is...ground cover in the bottom with verigated impatients in the top. It looks so funny that I love it all the more. I'll be out planting some more today till the rain comes...Ahhh, Saturdays.

A Treacherous Path

2009-04-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

You are looking at the entrance to one of my favorite places. Blackacre (my apologies for my aparent inability to quit thinking about it). As an adult this cattle guard makes my heart pound as I know I'm about to start a weekend or if I'm lucky, a whole week of experiencing God and nature. But as a child, this threshold made my heart beat in panic. All I had to do was walk across the cattle guard and the fun and excitement would begin. But wait! First we have to think of all the scary stuff that could happen while making that short journey. My tennis shoe could slip and I could get my leg caught in there. Or there could be a snake coiled up underneath just waiting to spring up and bite my ankle. Or one of those pipes could role and I'd be on my back even closer to the snake! yipe! Even now, as an adult...I sometimes get that weird knot in my belly when I walk across. But even with all the possibilities of harm that could befall me during that journey, nothing could stop me from making it. I know the promised experience is worth the risk.

There are so many things we can all become. There are many wonderful relationship offered us. So many opportunities for growth as God calls to reach out and love people Are we willing to take the risks along the way? The risk getting our feelings hurt? The risk of being rejected? I'm often worried people will think I'm strange when I'm compelled to talk to strangers in the grocery store. It's funny to watch the face of a young kid about to sack your groceries after you've spoken to him/her in a kind and genuine way. That kid probably thinks I'm a freak but later may feel good that someone actually wondered how his day went. Totally worth the risk!

I'll have the Fish Basket

2009-04-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

I found this 'thing' hanging on the wall of the shed where we keep the tractor at our farm. I had no idea what it was but I was sure that some kind of ground cover should planted in the bottom so it can spread out and hang through the little holes and that a flowering plant is just screaming to sit in the top section. So I asked my dad what it would have been used for in it's previous life. I'm not a fisherwoman so I would never have known that it most likely hung off the side of someone's boat...in the water...and that once caught, fish would be stored in there till the end of a day of fishing. In the divider part in the middle there is a spring door through which you stuff the fish so they can swim out. It's a trap.

Since it seemed like no one wanted or needed it anymore, I decided to make it mine. Rather than it hanging around doing nothing and having ceased to be needed, it will now have a new life as entertainment for me. Now I just wait for someone to come to my house and see it with plants stuck in there so they can ask, "What is that thing?" I love to think that even though it was made to be a trap, the tendrils of a plants will free themselves and be all they can be.

I hear many people talk of Sin as a trap...one that they don't understand how to get out of. I say that Sin will never not be a part of our lives but that we can thrive and grow in spite of it! What a lovely rusty reminder :)

Dad's Pocketknife

2009-04-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

Today I heard Earl Pitts on KHYI Dallas talking about how to find a 'real man'. "It's very simple", he said, "You simply ask a guy if you can borrow his pocketknife. If he reaches into his front pants pocket and produces a pocketknife, you've found yourself a real man".

During the entire commentary I thought of my dad and his pocketknife. He's always carried one for purposes that seem to be endless. My dad is an expert with that thing. He can remove a thorn or a splinter from my finger with his pocketknife. He can get that last piece of pecan out of the shell...wasting none of it. He can sharpen a pencil or make a referrence mark on a fencepost. He can remove a small branch from a sappling one moment and then slice off a piece of apple the next...of course he stabs the piece of apple and eats it right off the knife. When other families are preparring a meal of cold cuts and are fumbling and fighting that little plastic thing under the cap on a brand new squeeze bottle of mustard...my dad is reaching in that front pocket, opening the pocketknife and removing that blasted obstruction. I've had stray strings removed from the hem of my skirt on Easter morning with that pocketknife. He's saved many a cow from eating that poison weed that grows on the banks of the Guadelupe by cutting them down and throwing them in the river. He removes paint can lids, trims off the extra length on the cats' flea collar or just sits quietly contemplating life while he cleans under his fingernails...the man just takes care of stuff.

It is a special sound when he reaches for that pocketknife...one of my favorite sounds. The sound of change, some spare nails and other random hardware and that pocketknife getting swished around in there. He reaches out for me to hand him whatever I can't open, gets the lid off, then hands it back to me...handle first. That's a Real Man.

Golf Fan

2009-03-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'll do my very best to relate my rant to Lent today but honestly, it's not looking good. I'm just having one of those "Really?" moments.

Let's start with making a list of outdoor sports that require a fan. Not a "Woo Hoo, I'm a Packer Fan!" kind of fan...I'm talking about an actual fan used to cool off the sportsperson. Okay, here we go...let's see...there's the football field. You know, the one that has the water spraying through it? So after the player has run a 80 yard touchdown in 90 degree weather he doesn't keel over. Can't remember if I've ever seen once on the baseball field but it's possible...and there is probably one on the soccer field as well. All needed as all those sports are quite strenuous. But now I come to the sport that could not exist without the use of a giant mondo fan to keep it's participants nice and comfy...GOLF! Here's what I saw just before my hand slapped to my forehead and I yelled, "What the....!!!"

While on a Sunday afternoon drive through Highland Park, my husband said he wanted to show me something. He knew I would be highly amused. As always, he knows me oh so well. I had the biggest laugh over this fan on it's pretty little grassy green just waiting for the temperature to climb so it can perform it's needed duty. I was thinking maybe I should get one of these monsters in my front yard so that when I'm working outside in the sun, in July, in 98 degrees with dirt on my face, I could still be cool as a cucumber. Why be uncomfortable...ever? Good grief people! Yep, I failed at the Lent/Golf Fan connection. Maybe next time.

Easter Basket

2009-03-16T17:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I was in a strange pull between my Lenten concentration and the stores' understanding of Easter. Agh!!! Commercialization! Yes, I'm deep in my Lenten journey but then, in a moment of fluffy, pink, blue and other pastel abominations I was in shoulder deep amidst 'Easter'. I'm not ready for that celebration. I'm still in the journey!!! But as I sauntered (that's what we do in Texas)...as I sauntered through the Michaels looking for items for a church luncheon...there they were...gazing at me... Bunnies, eggs, baskets, fake grass...Dang it! I couldn't help but think of my niece and how fun it would be to give her an Easter basket full of goodies. At first, I just let my eyes skim over the baskets. None of them measure up to my Easter basket, the one I've had forever, but they were pretty. Then I looked at the fake grass. I have an issue with plastic grass since the grass in my basket is made of paper. So I didn't look at that plastic grass and I surely didn't buy any! Then, finding that the basket had made it's way into my cart I thought, awe, what the heck, and walked over to the little Easter gifts. Before I knew it, there was a nice little Easter backet for a 15 month old taking shape. May I say it is lovely. There is no candy, no sidewalk chalk and no Peeps. (I get the Peeps...although I'm not allowed to eat them till Easter morn.) So here is my revelation. I can plan for what is to come in the midst of my journey. I can be in the zone of self examination at the same time I'm embracing the joy of the moment of the resurrection. As we continue our journey, we do so with the joy of the life we live in Christ. Now!!!

The Lutheran in me...

2009-03-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

We made FUMC Dallas our church home in June of 2004 and I have been on the church staff since 2001. Before that that I was a church shopper/hopper. I was raised in the ELCA Lutheran tradition and I claimed that identity well! (still wear my Luther's rose). I was baptized in the Lutheran church, was active in the youth group and eventually attended Lutheran colleges. Heck, I even sampled the Scandinavian side of Lutheran life and learned how to make Lefse and eat Ludefisk. (That last thing should only have been on a dare! bluchchch) As I was looking at my Lenten study this morning I was thinking about how darn good I am at doing Lent. It's amazing really. As I considered the requirement of laying all the trash out there for God to see I saw that I'm making quite an amazing display of my garbage. I've done this enough times to know that this is only a growth experience if I remember God's love for me or else I'd flog myself silly in the tradition of Luther before he fully grasped the concept of Grace...which he then developed into an amazing understanding of God's love. The founder of the Methodist movement, John Wesley, was highly impressed with Luther's writings and theology and the theme of God's Grace is tightly woven into the traidition of which I am now a part. Thanks Martin for giving me the closest interpretation I have to understanding how much God loves me.

Unknown Caller

2009-03-04T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today, I woke knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I got home late yesterday and couldn't do this thing. And yesterday was the first day to do it. So this morning I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail and fired up the Escape. Since it was rush hour and the regular neighborhood traffic was hopping, I slyly took the back route through less traveled avenues. With a determined face I didn't stop for coffee. I didn't need to stop at the ATM. As I arrived at my destination, I took the keys from the ignition, opened the car door and felt a peaceful smile spread over my face as I entered the Best Buy. I recognized it right away as I've been anticipating the new U2 CD "No Line on the Horizon". The sweetness of this moment was only enhanced as I reached into my wallet and produced a Best Buy gift card.

The song I will highlight is about us not listening to God. During this Lenten season, it is being clearly communicated to me that I hardly ever listen to God. Unknow Caller:

Sunshine, Sunshine,

Sunshine, sunshine

Oh, Oh

I was lost between the midnight and the dawning

in a place of no consequence or company

3:33 when the numbers fell off the clock face

Speed dialing with no signal at all

Go, shout it out, rise up

Oh, Oh

Escape yourself, and gravity

Hear me, cease to speak that I may speak

Shush now

Oh Oh

Force quit and move to trash

I was right there at the top of the bottom

On the edge of the known universe where I wanted to be

I had driven to the scene of the accident

And I sat there waiting for me

Restart and re-boot yourself

You're free to go

Oh Oh

Shout for joy if you get the chance

Password, you enter here, right now

Oh, Oh

You know your name so punch it in

Here me, cease to speak that I may speak

Shush now

Oh Oh

Then don't move or say a thing

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T12:10:00.000-08:00

Today is Ash Wednesday. The day that marks the beginning of the Lenten Season. At 7:30 p.m. I will get the ashes on my forehead which will be the external sign of the internal reality that I am striving toward humility in God's midst. The forty days on the Lenten calendar are representative of the time that Christ spent in the desert being tempted by the devil. The culmination of these forty days is the celebration of the week of Easter that starts on Palm Sunday and ends on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. During the forty days of Lent, through Holy Saturday, it was tradition for Christians to observe a fast—not completely abstaining from eating and drinking, but limiting the kinds of food and drink as well as the number of meals.The tradition of fasting dates back to the early Middle Ages, when examples of acceptable foods were fish, bread, and fowl, and when the consumption of alcohol was for the most part banned during the fast. Nowadays, people who choose to observe the fast are much less restricted in their choice of foods, and fasting is mostly about being modest and showing humility and restraint in one’s eating habits. For some this means giving up chocolate (agh horrors!) or meat or coffee or what ever you should really eat less of anyway...really more of a resolution than a sacrifice. Giving up something for Lent isn't a get-skinny-in-time-for-Spring-Break thing...it's a concentration on Christ's journey and a very private mental communion with God. I have friends who always ask what I'm giving up for Lent...just like they ask me about my New Year's resolutions. I always lie and say I haven't given anything up or that I haven't decided. For me, it's a very private thing...somehow just not for conversation.
However you decide to concentrate on this time make it meaningful. It may not be giving anything up at all. It may be a Lenten book study or intense moments of prayer in a private place. Make it a time to explore your relationship with God and ask some really tough questions of yourself. Am I putting my faith into action by serving others? Am I being quiet and really listening to God's answers to my concerns? Am I really working to make those changes in myself that I've been wanting to change? Let these next 40 days be pure communion with God.

My day won't be ruined if you stop talking

2009-02-24T09:42:00.000-08:00

..that's right! I'm feeling cranky because I can't shake mean people's affect on me. I've been allowing others' inability to communicate kindly to affect my mood and allowing them to control my day. What's is going to take? A run around the block? Do I need to throw something?...no wait, that's just another manifestation of my not being able to shake it off. It's a good thing I'm preparring for Lent today. Perhaps this is my last hurrah. Some people celebrate Mardi Gras by going out and sin like they're Lutherans or something and get all their sillies out before the contemplative season of Lent. Apparently I'm going to throw a big pitty fit before I get in touch with my understanding of meditative peace and supplication before God. (There, that's better. Seems that typing that sentence has done the trick). So now I'm going to be quiet.

To satisfy your real hunger - Come to a Soul Feast

2009-02-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm not one of those people who easily goes to a group workshop on spirituality...don't wanna have to be in front of people when I'm working on closeness to God because I'm probably going to tear up and get emotional. But here is a day that I can't miss! Saturday, February 28th is a day that I will dedicate to learning more about how to commune with God...in a meaningful way. I don't know about you but I find so many obstacles in my life that strive to keep me from prayer, meditation and just simple 'time' with God. The result is I start to feel alone, lost and kind of empty when looking for strength to handle even the smallest hurdle. I started reading Soul Feast by Marjorie Thompson and I'm already feeling the benefits. Yesterday, I sat outside and read scripture and was spoken to in a new and refreshing way and I'm looking forward to a day dedicated to investing again in a life with true communion with God. Go here if you would like to register and attend as well. http://www.firstchurchdallas.org/ministries_adults_workshop.htm. You don't have to read to the book to attend. Just come hang out with me and we'll discover something new together.

What I really want for Valentine's Day

2009-02-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not one of those girls...you know...the one who gets really bend out of shape if she doesn't get what society describes as an 'appropriate' gift for Valentine's Day. Maybe that's easy for me to say since my honey always remembers to lovingly send me a beautiful arrangement. I'm also not big on diamonds or chocolates in a box shaped like a heart. So this year is no different for me when all I want is Time. I want time with my husband. That might mean dinner but I don't care if dinner is at a restaurant or at home. I just want that moment when we concentrate on nothing but our decision to be together. I also think it's important to remember that Valentine's Day doesn't only celebrate romantic love but the love we have for everyone. When I was writing notes to our visitors yesterday I was compelled...no...emotionally forced to put a little heart sticker on every envelope. What a dork right? Maybe not. But I like to think that the love God showers on all of us should be celebrated as well. As I know you're not shocked that I put stickers on all my correspondance please be equally unshocked that Valentine's Day for me is also a celebration of humanity and my moment of concentration on the dream of everyone loving each other. Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!!!!!

Runner's Random Act

2009-02-05T10:54:00.000-08:00

At 7:55 this morning I found myself where I always find myself at about that time...at the corner of MacKinney and Avenue of Champions in Valley Ranch waiting for the light to turn green. We've lived in this neighborhood for 6 years and I've never waited at that light for less than 6 minutes. It just seems to freeze as the line of cars behind me grows and grows. My dad was a municiple engineer and once told me that some traffic lights work on timers and others on sensors...so I of course I've even tried the 'inching forward and backing up' manuver to trip that sensor and make the light change. Now I've given up and know I will use that time for sipping my coffee spill free and apply my lipstick.

Today, as I was approaching the dreaded intersection, I saw a man running on the sidewalk. I thought things like, "Good for you buddy, wish I had that motivation" and "I wonder why HE isn't sitting here waiting to get to work?" Then I thought about how he was going to have to interrupt his stride and wait for the dang light just like the rest of us saps. Just then he took a turn to the right to run along MacArthur and whacked that silver crossing signal thingy as he ran by it. That light turned within 10 seconds and we all made it through. I believe that nothing will make me smile me more...ever...on my morning commute. He didn't look back, he didn't stop...he just hit the button for all of us. Thanks man.

A bird's life

2009-02-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

We have a row of oleanders on the side of our fence and there must be at least 100 sparrows in there chirping, flitting and taking turns at the bird bath just inside the back yard. I like to sit at the table on the patio and watch and listen. I wonder what they're talking about? Once it gets close to Spring, everyone starts building their nests. They like to come to my wreath on the front door to choose the perfect pieces for their new homes. I've lost a wheat wreath and another dried wreath to these little construction workers. Now my wreath is made of fake berries and cast iron stars. This morning I even saw my first robin...that groundhog doesn't know what he's talking about! I think all the time about what birds think and how they communicate. I wonder if when they're all grown up if they fly by the tree or bush where they were born and tell their friends..."hey, that's where I grew up". How far from their homes do they actually go in their lifetimes? And what do they think about me sitting back there watching them all the time? They don't seem to mind cuz they keep living there. I always make sure they have plenty of yummy snacks and lots of clean water. This year I'm going to install some little basket in the space between the porch cover and the beam that my porch swing is hung from. Maybe a dove will make it's nest there and I will get to watch their little family grow. This ends my Wednesday morning off rantings :)

Is it Spring?

2009-02-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

Sunshine, birds chirping, my husband grilling...isn't it still winter? As I prepared a few snacks for our little Superbowl Party (we always just like to do our own...just us :), I was simply amazed at the way that it really seems like Spring. Now I know that we who live in Texas get this stuff...23 one day with a quarter inch of ice on the roads and then 75 the next day. But this time we had two days of Spring in a row and its the first day of February. I believe that sometimes we all need a little reminder of what is to come only if it's for a couple of days. When we experience a winter, when everything seems gray...we have to take comfort in the glimpses of Spring.

What I Saw Today

2009-01-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

I have a journal that is entitled "What I Saw Today". It's a log of things that impress me...both good and bad. Things that I think may affect my mood, my way of thinking, my faith and to mark the history I see in my lifetime. Here are the entries I made today: a mass of diverse humanity, a cold sunny day, people filled with hope and love, a woman delivering a billiant poem, a church staff watching the TV in silence and awe, Yo Yo Ma and Pearlman on the same stage (anyone...please take me to see these two men perform their music), a man who has a clear view of Christ's love.

Today at 11:00 a.m. I was privilaged to have a job where I could stop and watch the inauguration of our new president. I thought about him and his wife and the task before them. What I saw is the grace and wisdom of a very young couple who are moving forward with an understanding of Christ's message that I wish everyone had. The poetry, the music and finally President Obama's speech drove home the way this country will move forward and become again the true beacon that it was meant to be...a country that has changed in the way we look, feel, have faith and live our lives. I heard someone say recently that when, and only when, with the love of Christ, we can see ourselves in our brother and sister, will we have the ability to truly love, respect and live with each other. Not just in our own country but in the world community. We must all understand this and practice it. No matter your political leaning, we must all agree that Love is the answer. It isn't just a idealogical song, its a way of living.

God made pajamas...proof of a loving God!

2009-01-11T18:37:00.000-08:00

I would never want to indicate that I'm prone to sloth. Sloth was finally acceptably defined for me by our senior minister, Dr. John Fiedler, as "resting before any work has been done". Because of that definition I now know that before I'm allowed to relax...ever...I must do something productive. Something that I've been needing to do or something that I'm abliged to do. So this past Saturday morning, at 10:30, when I was feeling the want to relax, I started looking around for something productive I was willing to do so that I wouldn't have to lay around and experience the guilt of the sin of sloth. I wasn't willing to dust the house. I couldn't get excited about doing any laundry or clearing some flowerbeds outside. So with all the energy of a slug I dragged myself to the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher, poured myself another cup of coffee and made the perfect decision to stay in my pajamas until lunch!

It's hard to decide when we are guilty of sloth and when we are simply basking in a moment of well-deserved and much needed rest. Sometimes I think we may talk ourselves into believe we're experience the latter just so we don't feel too cruddy about ourselves. I still can't figure out what my Saturday was all about but I did come up with a way to define whether I'm being a sloth or just relaxing.

As I completed the last rotation of my gleeful summersault back onto the couch, I realized that I was so excited about the prospect of resting that it could have only been a gift. There have been other times on the couch when I just felt miserable and bored. First senario=rest, second senario=sloth! Simple as that. When time doing nothing nurtures, that experience is a gift and we must take part in.

So, at the end of your work day (or mid moring on your day off) get back in your pajamas and take complete joy in your gift of rest.

Those boys are much too much!

2008-12-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

Look over there to the right and click on the first item in "Things that make me so happy I just gotta throw something" I saw this commercial this morning at about 6:45 in the morning. I crack myself up every time I think about! That little girl has got it made with THAT dad!

The Intruder...

2008-12-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

Let me set the scene. I'm sitting at my desk in my office. I have no windows in my office so I like to make my own productive work atmosphere. First, I light a great smelling candle. Next, I make sure I've got great music playing. Right now I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens presents Songs for Christmas (I highly recommend it). Next I make sure that all projects except the one I'm currently working on is put away in the 'IN' box or filed away and out of my vision. (I know, that part shocks you :) Finally, I fix myself a nice cup of hot tea or hot chocolate or something else hot. Then I almost snuggle down in my chair and go about the business of being completely focused on my task whether it's answering emails, corresponding with church visitors or managing a big gathering. So you can imagine that in this state of comfortable but intense concentration, I was appalled by the strange movement I caught from the corner of my eye. Alanis couldn't have sung it better. It was a cockroach taking a casual stroll across my desk. I'm pretty sure it noticed me long before I noticed it and I'm even surer that when I looked at it, it raised an eyebrow and muttered, "Now how do you like your atmosphere, sister?" My murder attempt failed so now it's lurking about my office plotting it's next appearance.

Why can't I ever be more prepared for the unexpected? When will I ever learn that I'm not really in control of how things go. I can try and try and will probably try for the rest of my life to set the scene for the perfect moment, week...life. So these little 'reminders' that the unexpected is going to happen are healthy wake up calls for me to keep things in perspective. All that said, I'd still really want to smush that roach!

Get Ready

2008-12-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday was the first Sunday in Advent. I remember I took a big deep breath and said to God, "Okay God, you've got my full attention". It's not always easy to get our full attention with all the Big Sale shopping opportunities and tasty holiday distractions around us during this time of year. Advent marks the beginning of the church year. We are accustomed to making our New Year's resolutions on January 1st in accordance with the calendar year. What if we left all the losing weight, quitting smoking and all the other regular suspects for January and use Advent to make another kind of resolution? I invite you join me in making a fresh new effort to open yourself up to hearing God in this new church year. In the midst of all that strives to distract and divert us we must learn to be quiet and listen...listen to what the true gift of Christmas is. With the Christ child comes the example of love we are to practice with one another. Equipped with that love our response is to love those around us...stranger as well as those we call friend. In all of this, we get Get Ready for the arrival of the Christ. Take time this holy season to Get Ready. Click here to see our church's offerings for getting ready http://www.firstchurchdallas.org/news_detail_headlines.php?doc=113

Give Thanks

2008-11-26T05:03:00.000-08:00

I one way or another you are getting ready. Getting ready for the tradition of Thanksgiving. The thing that helped me get ready the most was our minister's sermon on Sunday. It should be posted by tomorrow on the church website and I recommend you read it. The link to our church website is right over there on the right.

The getting ready part can be a little hectic at times. If you're celebrating in your own home you are most likely preparing food, getting serving dishes ready and maybe even cleaning guest rooms for out of town guests. Or maybe you are traveling and must pack, fill up your gas tank and are maybe even taking Christmas gifts for those you don't plan to see at Christmas. There are many items on your list. Last year I started a new tradition for myself for Thanksgiving. I made an actual list of thanksgivings. It was the only way I could really concentrate on what I'm thankful for. Dr. Fiedler's sermon helped me kick start my list in emphasizing the things I could include. We are always thankful for the food we eat, the roof over our heads and the clothes on our backs. But I was convicted to think about personal growth goals I may have reached. To think about peace in adversity I may have been given. To think about strength and grace I've experienced even when things have been difficult. Acknowledging this type of gift and growth truly pushes us forward in our understanding of our relationship with Christ and with the humanity around us. This year, make a list. See if doesn't make the holiday more meaningful. Also, it's still okay to thank God for that pie. :)

Must...have...pie!!!!

2008-11-17T12:14:00.000-08:00

Are you aware? Have you not yet come to the realization? It is time for Pie. Lots and lots of Pie. Pumpkin Pie, pecan Pie, mincemeat Pie (you probably hate that one)....slurp. There is no other time of the year when I simply must eat Pie. Is it because it's cooler outside and nutty spiced up Pie makes me all warm inside? Is it because someone who really knows their way around Pie made that Pie and you know you just can't miss out? This, of course, is not a healthy relationship with Pie...when the Pie has such control. So I pray. I pray for the strength to defeat Pie or at least be it's equal. I pray for peace when I decide that I will limit myself to only one piece of Pie. Of course I won't ask "What would Jesus eat" because, HE WOULD EAT THE PIE!

And, would I like coffee with that? "If you don't know me by now...you will never never never know me" Of course I want coffee. I want black coffee with Pie.

So as we all prepare our list of thanksgivings, our hearts for the coming of the Christ child, let's also prepare our minds for the temptations that come along with the joy of the season.

Where do I begin???

2008-11-10T11:56:00.000-08:00

You and I both heard all about this Saturday night and yesterday morning. Here is the message posted and ready for preaching outside First Baptist Church,Dallas...our 'kitty corner' neighbor. But it's taken me all this time to be calm enough about it to just address it for what it is. As the Director of Evanglism of FUMC Dallas, I struggle to find the Christlike love, respect and inclusion into God's kingdom in this sermon title. I'm still just a little jolted by it. Just the judging message of 'I'm Okay, You're Not' sends an icky feeling up my spine and makes my heart sink. So far, the sermon transcript has not been posted on their website nor is it available on YouTube. I want to hear what the senior minister has to say before I fully crumple on the floor in response. In the meantime, I'm comforted by the Traditional, Relevant and Inclusive nature of the congregation of which I'm a member. I can invite any and everyone to my home church and know that they will experience the love of Christ. I don't have much to offer as an individual but as child of God, I can invite others to experience the embrace of a loving God.

here's a dime...call someone who cares

2008-11-06T17:28:00.000-08:00

"...so did I tell you about my grandchildren and the science award my grandson won. Oh and did I tell you about my weekend? Let me tell you how great it was. I beat everyone at bingo and won a dollar except Dinah was upset because she thinks I cheat. "

My revelation for the day is that what's important to one person is important to me. I don't care how much it has nothing to do with me, I am interested because someone cared enough about me to share their joy with me. How many times do we find ourselves thinking, "Good Lord, why are you telling me about this? I seriously don't care." Shame on us. Make it your business to care. I think that sometimes we get so very caught up in our own very important lives that we don't consider the joys and concerns that others are experiencing. I believe our empathy of others is a huge leap of our own understanding of our personal spirituality and a perfect way to extend Christ's love to everyone around us. Wow! What a concept...Empathy as evangelism.

The Dreamer

2008-10-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

Here is my 2008 Jack-o-lantern...the only thing I HAVE to have besides a truckload of candy...to be ready for the trick or treaters. I'm rather happy with this year's creation. Usually I just whack a few holes in a pumkin so I can spend more time on roasting the seeds. But this year I decided to take a little more time. I found this template online, came home and started carving. I love that he is so dreamy. I wonder what he's thinking of? Enjoying the cooler weather? I get thoughtful just looking at him. He reminds me to dream and find joy in those dreams. Tonight, about 50 children will come to our door dreaming of sweets and praise for their creative costumes. I think of their parents and the fun and joy in the activity of meeting neighbors and watching their children's faces. Happy Fall everyone!

That's Fair

2008-10-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

I'm just getting around to saying it but, "Its State Fair time". I love the fair. I love the food (Rachel's must haves...corney dog, brat with plenty of sauerkraut at Mueller's...and that's it. I can take or leave the rest. I wouldn't mind an ice cold beer but I can live without it. I never try the newest fried monstrosity and I won't even try your's. I just need to go and see all the people, listen to Tex tell me what's happening next and then...the most important thing of all...take about a two hour stroll through The Creative Arts building. I know, I know! You'd rather have a liver transplant. But I just love to walk through and look at the patience, love and creativity that has gone into the amazing things displayed. After I've stood in front of the preserves and pickled okra and drooled down the front of my shirt...

I go all around the perimeter of the room and look at every quilt. Then I attack the center. Look at this little sampler I found.

It's not the most intricate piece of work I've seen but I'm pretty sure this could be my life's mantra. That just about says it. I don't get very excited about spending money and the whole idea of materialism so for someone to have sewn that into a piece cloth???...they just have to be kin.

Going Buggy!

2008-10-01T16:05:00.000-07:00

Last night my husband surprised me with a really nice dinner out...on a Tuesday even!!! He raced home, picked me up at 5:30 and we were off to The Keg. The Keg is a steakhouse close to our home. Outside, there are two big bronze statues of longhorns and lots of cacti and rocks and native grasses. As many of you know, I really don't eat cows but have no problem watching my husband enjoy a nice steak it that's what he has a hankerin' for. I ordered a nice merlot, a wedge salad and the Ahi Tuna steak with two sides of asparagus. We had a great time talking, laughing, teasing and just being still and enjoying a nice meal together. After we paid the bill, we walked to the front and out the door. Just outside the door, on the prickly pear, look at what we found. Are these stink bugs? What are they? I saw two big bugs and then all those little babies. Are those all their kids or did someone get permission to invite friends over to their prickly pear pad? I just love these bugs and realized after 5 minutes that I was still standing there looking at them. God makes cool stuff!

A Stinky Sunday Morning

2008-09-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

Now that's not what you want to hear a church staff person talk about right? But it is what it is. Let's just suffice it to say that the back of my car never looked so wonderful as I approached (no...ran) to it at about 12:35 yesterday afternoon with the beautiful prospect of going straight home, getting back into my pajamas and getting back into the bed so I could have a second chance at a nice day.
Every Sunday I know that I will be in the crook of being a member of our church staff and just a plain 'ol member of the church. I do everything I can to be fed in the midst of feeding. Actually I try to look at all my encounters on Sunday mornings as 'being fed'. But yesterday between the adventures of Confirmation, coraling two baptism families for a quick briefing, and feeling just plain stretched to the point of transparency...I just felt beat down before worship even started. I found myself in my office crying 'UNCLE'. Lucky for me I got a second chance at church later in the day.
Yesterday evening at 5:30 our UrbanLife and Music & Arts ministries conducted a 'Service of Scripture and Choral Meditation'. It not only saved my day but put me right back on the path I was on earlier in the day. The congregation came into a setting of quiet in which we were well able to prepare our hearts for stillness and a setting for hearing God. The service lasted about 50 minutes. During the 50 minutes I felt a sense of calm and love that only God can give and the setting allowed me to not only listen but to hear God's soothing presence.
Last night's moment reminds me that I must take time every day to be quiet. No talking. No conversation. No writing. Just listening.

What's the Main Thing?

2008-09-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Haven't you ever heard of people say, "Keep the main thing the main thing"? I guess we all get to decide what the main thing is. The quote most likely is a moral or value driven statement. And maybe for some the 'main thing' changes from day to day. The main thing could be God, or family or Love...
Today the main thing for me is to breathe. No, seriously...I can't breathe. Allerigies are kicking my butt and I'm unable to concentrate on anything but trying to get a breath. The older I get the worse the allergies get...and today I lost. I couldn't work, plan or eat because of the lack of breath. I feel defeated...a little lost in having to concentrate on breathing.
It makes me think about how I often forget to breathe daily. We get up, get ready for the day, grab a bite to eat, drive to work, assess our day and then bam! we're off on a meeting, task driven day. When do we breathe and reasses the main thing? It's a trap we all fall into. No one is immune! Only now, when I'm forced to think about it do I stop to breathe. Help us all, Lord, to remember the importance of your breathe in our life.

Fear the McRib

2008-09-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not here today to judge what you eat. I just have say my gross out level today is so over the top that I have to share. So I was driving to work this morning and saw the sign..."The McRib is Back" Now I do try to stay away from fast food and especially as far away from McDonald's as humanly possible. But back in the day I did imbibe in a McRib or 100. Apparently, though, I've been thinking about that sticky 'sandwich' enough to do a little digging into the mystery of it's make up. With just a little effort I think the McRib could reach Spam fame...have you ever Googled the McRib? One guy posted pictures of his adventure in discovery. First he removed the top bun

Then he washed off the sauce and turned the 'meat' over for a looksy. Guess I didn't think about the 'ribs' being stamped on only the top side

Then he sliced it open and...YIPE!!!

okay, that's all I can take. Organic salad anyone????

What's it all for?

2008-08-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

Why do we work so hard? at being nice, being benevolent? Are you looking for some kind of 'thank you'? Do you need affirmation? Do you need recognition? Or are we just being kind for the sake of being kind? It's a question we care about. We as humans need a little bit of 'you're doing a good job' don't we? We need some 'ataboy'.

What if it were just a way of life? Let's translate this into Texan terms...say you're on the road and you let someone cut in front of you. What are you waiting for? The Wave...right?...out the back window? What if you don't get it. Are they less Texan? maybe. But what does it matter? You did what daddy taught you so who gives a flip if you're thanked? I realize this as I drive to work and understand that I'm in the midst of many different kinds of people who come from many different places. I realize that Christ wasn't expecting anything and He gave anyway. In this particular instance, this is what Jesus would do. Just don't ask me to wear that dang bracelet. Jesus wouldn't wear that bracelet! I'm pretty sure of that!

Would you do it all again?

2008-08-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me that question today. "If you had it all to do again, what would you change?" We've all heard this question before but have you ever really thought about it? It seems silly to think about it since we can't change the past. On the other hand, could it shape our future and how we could do things from now on? We always heard that we learn from history...although sometimes it seems like the history we learned in school has been repeated many times. I say that we as individuals fall into the same patterns.

So if you could do something over, somehow get another chance, where would that change occur? Would you have studied more? Would you have treated someone differently? Would you erase a mistake therefore changing where you are now? Or do you see it as a part of the big plan?

Let's put aside the whole everthing -works -for -good notion. Let's say, for the moment, that our choices weren't necessarily what made us who we are. Maybe instead we made those choices because of who we are. What if we think about those bad choices and simply learn from them and chalk that up as just a really bad choice. what then? Isn't it okay to just accept that we made a bad choice and nothing good is going to come from it? The best part is that we don't have to make it again. We can move on to the next thing...all fresh and new.

Think about this today. Think about your past whether it was 20 years ago or yesterday. Move on and get over it then thank God for your free will for the choices you will make tomorrow.

Blind as a bat...i mean...armadillo

2008-08-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

After a few hours at the river during my time off the first week of August, it was time to get back to the cabin and eat a little dinner. On the 5 minute walk back we encountered this little guy. He's just minding his own business, grubbing a few worms and roots I guess. I stopped to let him cross the path but he has no idea I'm there. I really love armadillos. Just doing his thing and being cute.

Church Coffee

2008-07-30T13:00:00.001-07:00

Have I mentioned lately how much I love coffee? I think I'm going to marry it! I mean, I think about it all the time. I don't care if I've just had some I can pass a coffee shop and feel this unexplainable celestial pull to the counter and before I know it I'm uttering something about 'bold but not bitter'. I think one of my very first posts explains my theology of coffee (click here). Just looking at these beans makes me wanna get a cup...even if it is church coffee. (tick, tock, tick tock) okay, I'm back.
Tomorrow I leave for a week at the farm. The 'you-can-have-whatever-you-want' gods have taken a liking to me I guess. Each morning I will wake at 6:30, flick on the coffee maker I set up the night before and wait. I'll pour a cup for my mom and one for me and watch for deer or turkeys as I wake all the way up. Thank you God for coffee...

Saturday Morning

2008-07-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

It's 8:45 on Saturday morning. I've just been in the back yard to see what surprises Mother Nature has for me this morning. Look at these morning glories and moon flowers! All her life, my Grandma Mills grew these moon flowers by accident really. I think she planted seeds once and then they came up every year after that...the plants were huge!! Mine are on a much smaller scale but the flowers are still wonderful. They bloom in the night and then last into the day until it gets really hot. Then they get tired and make room for the flowers that will bloom tonight. For a really good time I'll get a lawn chair, get a tall glass of iced tea and go out there about dusk and have a moon flower party as I actually will get to see them open. The whole plant shakes and shudders as the flowers open before my eyes like one of those videos they speed up so you can see the action. Sometimes it seems like the flowers so anticipate opening that they just shiver with excitement. Can you imagine being that ready to start the day??
Sorry for once again making a 'flower/life' connection but I just can't help it. I realized this morning that maybe this is why I HAVE to start my day outside. Maybe I'm looking for inspiration for the day from these self starters. They're just so proud to be 'out' that I think I can gain some perspective from this incredible expression of God's excitement for life.

Date Night

2008-07-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

Well, if July wasn't already the best month in the world, it is after yesterday and this coming Wednesday. Yesterday Alvaro and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. Actually, we celebrated on Saturday at a great restaurant we've discovered...Roy's. It's a Hawiaan fusion type place where we got great service and food. I highly recommend it! After that, we went to see the new Batman movie. A good old fashion date night! On Wednesday, we celebrate our anniversary again since we had to weddings in 2002. One here in Texas and one Cali, Colombia. So on Saturday I think we will celebrate with a Dairy Queen Blizzard of the month (which I've been craving since I saw the sign advertising the Girl Scout's Thin Mint flavor) YUM!!!

I'm no marraige expert but I sure do recommend having date nights to keep a relationship happy. For some reason, just being out and about and experiencing the landscape going by is such great togetherness...listening to each other's comments and impressions of world...and a little hand holding along the way is great too. :)

Anyway, I'm happy and ready for the work-week after such a fun weekend. Have a great week.

That's Sick!

2008-07-16T11:32:00.000-07:00

okay, it's just me who's sick...no really, I'm home sick today. I've got the tummy thing and...oh, I won't go into it. And yes, because I'm neurotic, I feel guilty as heck that I'm not in the office! So I'm doing what I can to check in on my computer and do some work online.

When I'm out sick, I worry that I'm missing out on the things going on at work. Like I'm going to miss out on something that isn't going to be there tomorrow...waiting, lurking, anticipating my return. I have my sister in law picking up a stack of papers I need to work on so that I won't feel that the day is a complete loss. Why can't we just be sick? The answer....

For me, being sick is not a good reason for our visitors to not get a contact. When someone has gotten their butt out of bed on a Sunday morning and decided to visit a church, they deserve a little lovin'. So, tonight, in my jammies, I will make some phone calls between spoonfuls of soup and toast. God works even through the urps and downs heh heh.

It's the Big One!

2008-07-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well, here's why I haven't blogged lately. It's my birthday month and I've been having way too much fun to even think about it! Tons of cards, emails, dinners, the gift of a pedicure and manicure, cakes, cupcakes, balloons, an ice cream party and a myriad of other wonderful gifts and well wishes. What else could a girl ask for? Growing up, my mom always made it our birth MONTH. My big day is on the 8th so for eight days in a row I got to open present. One day it might be a bottle of shampoo and the next, a fun pair of socks and the next day...a carton of Whoppers! I didn't care what it was...it was wrapped up with a bow and I got to open it.
I have to admit that in June I was having some funny feelings regarding this birthday. I'll just say it...I didn't want it to come. It's a biggun and maybe it's vanity, maybe it's because I'm not so good about change but I just didn't think I was ready. But on Tuesday of last week I awoke to the alarm just like always. I sat up in bed and took stock of my mood. Everything seemed okay to me...I didn't feel any different. I stumbled to the bathroom sink, washed my face and looked into the mirror...didn't look any different. So I decided right then and there that it was going to be a great day.
Of all the birthday joys I've received, the best gift has been the acceptance of self which God gave me at 5:30 on a Tuesday morning. (All the best gifts come in the morning :)

Home again, home again...jiggety jog

2008-06-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday night we arrived home from our amazing trip to Rome. I could talk for a week about it...all the things we saw, all the things we did, the amazing people we met and the memories we made. But to spare you all that, I will just say that I've never experienced history, culture, food and exhaustion in such an intense manner. Every day was full and we seemed never to stop being amazed by so much really old stuff :) From standing where St. Peter was crucified to viewing ornaments that adorned Caligula's pleasure boats...makes me realize again how small my little part in this world really is. Now, back to our regular ol' lives; which as Alvaro and I have both agreed, is the most wonderful thing we have.

Having too much fun to write

2008-06-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

Step number one after flying to Rome...take 5 hour nap since you cannot sleep on the plane. Then wake up to not knowing what day it is and if you should eat breakfast or dinner. Wow, what an amazing time already. Yesterday we saw the Colleseum and The Forum... we are staying only a 5 minute walk from Vatican City but tomorrow we will go into St. Peter's. I can't figure out how to get pictures into the blog entry...so you'll just have to wait on those.
We are looking forward to seeing everyone again and to tell you all about our trip. Probably won't write much as I now know we are going from morning to night! Miss you all! (Mom and Dad...you will love it here!

Leaving on an airplane

2008-06-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

It is 6:45 a.m. and I'm sitting on the couch waiting for the shuttle to the airport. Today we are going to Rome!!! We have anticipated this trip for a few months now and it's hard to believe it is finally here. The only reason I haven't blogged about before is that if I acknowledge something this exciting too soon, I would be unable to concentrate on work and stuff due to my ridiculous excitement...plus I get the stomach ache.
So, for the next week I'll treat this blog as our travel journal. Forgive my childlike amazement at the things we will see...I've never been to Europe nor have I experienced the history of such an ancient land. There is a internet room at the hotel and I'm armed with my camera.
Today we board the plane at 10:00 a.m., make a stop in Chicago and then its an 8 hour flight to Rome. Stay tuned......

Woo Hoo!!! My 100th blog entry!

2008-06-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know you're in a state of complete and utter shock that I have that much to say and even more shocked that my opinions and thoughts just tumble out to whoever is listening and even those who are not. HA! My first blog entry was in May of 2007. The idea to blog was inspired by my new friend Rev. Kathryn Ransdell (see her blog listed in my faves over there to the right). She had started a blog and encourage us on the church staff to do so as well. It has turned out to be a great way for me to process my thoughts out loud and more importantly, communicate what I really think. I'm certainly not an accomplished writer and your forgiveness has been kindly welcomed.

So what topic would be worthy of this milestone? I certainly can't just talk about my day, the insects I picked off my flowers this morning or how mad junk mail makes me! I know, I'll talk about God :)

As you know, I don't do well with trite language regarding God...I'm not an utterer of "Just give it to God" and I'm not one to communicate that loving God makes life all better - as if it were all about how our lives are going anyway. But I AM one to be in amazement that I'm still loved by God even though I have so not lived up to God's understanding of my potential. I accept God's unending love and at the same time say to God, "Really??? Even after that fiasco??" I would say that of all the great theological concepts and discussions one could have about God, the most important thing is to accept God's love. Accept the grace God gives and gives and gives. Only then can we be the kind of people who can successfully serve God, participate in relationships, love other people and generally move on from our concentration on 'us'.

Give it a think. Are we in the habit of truly internalizing God's love? Or do we entertain self loathing thoughts of incapability in certain areas of our lives. God gives the love and acceptance 24/7...the only obstacle is us.

Family Reunion

2008-06-16T13:09:00.000-07:00

Every other year, the Kern family reunion occurs at Camp Lone Star in LaGrange, Texas. My grandfather on my second dad's side was one of 11 children who grew up in a small community called Swiss Alp...just 5 miles outside of LaGrange. This is why we have the reunion in LaGrange...it makes for an easy pilgramage to the homesite and church where Karl Kern and his wife Katerina made their life and carried their calling. This church is the second oldest Lutheran congregation in Texas and my grandpa was the third pastor here. During the course of our time at the church, we get to hear stories such as the one about the boys (in their michevious years) drinking all the communion wine Katerina made from wild Mustang grapes leaving none for Sunday morning. Or the one about my grandpa, Hans, having to smack a runaway horse in the face just to get it to stop...it had some of his younger siblings in the wagon. That horse fell flat but the children were all saved :)

This weekend was so special as we were all reminded of the responsibility to cultivate a sense of longing for understanding our faith. Even planting the seed of wondering is what we are called to do whether it be with our children or our friends.

30 Minute Worship

2008-06-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about whether or not to bring this up for a while now. I have driven past this church just south of Waco several times over the last two years or so and I just can't help be in wonder of this banner that has been splayed on the outside of the building. Now, I don't even remember the denomation of this congregation and I guess it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I most clearly have an issue with this 30 minutes worship idea. Just thinking about driving down I-35 makes me remember that I'm going to pass this church and that blasted banner and that I'm going shake my head in befuddled amazement once again.

Indulge me as I wrestle aloud with my apparent 'problem' with this abbreviated worship concept. First of all, who is this 'quickie' aimed at? If someone has 30 minutes don't they have an hour? Is the decision to worship God on a Sunday morning just so inconvenient that people are feeling the need to bolt after half an hour? I know a lot of retail Christians who take what need from Christ and leave the rest on the shelf. Let's say this church is trying to appeal to first time visitors and seekers and are trying to 'ease' them into an hour long worship (horrors). At what point do they spring it on these unsuspecting folks that there is more to their spirituality than 30 minutes on a Sunday morning. How will people ever find out that the community of the church (if this is what they are seeking) involves time in service to others and time in in-depth study. I just can't help but feel like our society is always trying to make things more 'palitable' in order to sell the product. We want convenience...even to the point of making sure worship doesn't interfer with our real lives. I mean, we wouldn't want to be the last one on the lake! Worship and spirituality is what it is. So many congregations are trying to be all things to all people and then end up serving their congregations poorly. Just like any relationship, a relationship with God takes work and time investment. Maybe one day I will be bothered less by this banner...but probably not.

To Join or Not to Join

2008-06-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

...that is the question. Have you ever listened to people talk about church membership? We all know people on both sides of this fence. Some will declare, "I don't believe in organized religion" to which of course I sarcastically declare, "Yes, disorganized religion is most preferable!" Others feel it is an integral part of their spiritual growth to claim a particular church body as their faith family. Part of my day job is to help people discover if FUMC Dallas is the church home for them. I have the most fun exploring with church visitors the many parts of this church body and of course find emmense joy when I get to witness an individual, couple or family finding themselves so "at home" that they want to join the church.
What cannot be assumed, however, is that everyone who walks through the doors of this historic sanctuary is a 'joiner' or that they are even 'churchy'. No assumptions should be made about any one anyway - much less by those claiming to strive to love as Christ loves. We, belonging to a church faith family, must look afresh on each person we encounter...it is the ultimate form of love and respect to strive to get know a person and then love them just as you found them.
That's my brand of evangelism anyway...to get excited about all the different kinds of people God created. We must be genuine in our love. We must not see people through our Christian-colored glasses hoping that everyone will eventually start to look and act like us. Anyway, that would be too bland for my taste :)

Some serious theology and staying up till 3 a.m.

2008-05-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

What do these two things have in common you ask? Why would someone stay up till 3 o'clock in the morning thinking about theology anyway? Well, if you're 12 and you've been preparing for your Confirmation for the last year, you end up at confirmation camp where you study your understanding of your faith AND you stay up till 3:00 a.m....that last part is just because you're 12! I want to declare to all you reading this that 12 years olds are brilliant! I heard some amazing revelations this past weekend when I was honored to act as a leader for this year's retreat. The most refreshing thing I witnessed was the excitement these kids exibited in their getting to declare for the first time...all by themselves...that they are going to be full members of the church. On June 1st the entire group will stand in front of the church and promise to give their Prayers, Presence, Gifts and Service to not only this congregation but to the Christian Faith as a whole. It is their promise to God and themselves that they will strive always to grow, give and serve God in whatever faith family they find themselves. How much fun and how humbling to see 12 year old squirrels take something so seriously and be so moved by this, the beginning of their journey.
On Sunday, we returned to the church at 9:30 a.m. just in time for me to hit the ground running with Sunday morning tasks and opportunities finally arriving at my home at 2:00. I never knew one could take three naps and then sleep through the night...now I do!

A little distraction from the work day

2008-05-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

A friend told me today that she is 'jonesing' for a blog entry...Wow! Has it really been since the end of last month?!?! Slacker!

This morning at about 9:20, I was right here at my computer working with a co-worker on a presentation that the whole staff would review at 9:30 so I was under the gun. Apparently some other co-workers were in the hall outside my office yelling at me to 'watch out!' and 'duck!'. I didn't hear a thing as what looked like a purple martin flew into my office, hung a sharp right and flew directly into the wall knocking itself out cold! I missed the whole thing! What you have to understand is that my office isn't anywhere near an outside entrance to the church. This bird did some pretty impressive maneuvering to find it's way in here. Of course you know I'm a big sap for anything live and could hardly stand it when I finally came out of my computer fog to see it laying, wings spralled, on the floor. What to do??? People are expecting the presentation to be ready in just a minute but there's a stunned bird laying on the floor of my office. I did what any career girl with her priorities all messed up would do...I gathered some forces, found a big box and proceeded to have the bird safely removed. After a couple of Lazarus inspired 'awakenings' and a couple more confused flights, he was in the box and headed for freedom so he could tell all his little bird friends about his exciting morning...and mine :)

Anticipation

2008-04-28T17:43:00.001-07:00

It is way past Easter but I wait...I anticipate my Eater lily's opening. I know I've planted it in a place that doesn't get enough sun...it doesn't get the love it needs. but still I wait. I wait for it's bloom. We aren't always planted in a place where the soil is good. But we can still bloom...be beautiful...still make a difference. Poor lilly...what will it be even though it's not in the place it should be? something amazing I'm sure...I can only wait for this miracle of bloom. What miracle can you make even if you don't feel you're in the right place.

In Memoriam

2008-04-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

On Sunday at 11:00 p.m., my maternal grandmother, Ida Bernice Mills, died after a long battle with Alzheimer's disease. She was 88. Over the last 3 days I have had an AMAZING revelation. For the first time in my life I have truly understood that the gift of life completely outweighs the sadness of loss of life. This is something that people always say is true but I'm sure I've never grasped it before this week. I am very sad at the loss of my Grandma. However, my memories of her and the things I learned from her are what occupy my emotions.
1. The best meditation and prayer takes place while laboring in your garden.
2. The best water for everything is rain water.
3. No matter what horrible event befalls you, look toward tomorrow and joys it will bring.
4. Every woman should know how to change a tire, build a barbed wire fence and sew a dress.
5. Value your grandchildren.
6. Eat your vegetables (and know how to grow them)
7. Don't have too much stuff.
8. When you get really old it's okay to have chocolate covered cherries and cheetos for dinner.
When I was 7, I learned how to use a post hole digger. To this day, that is my favorite skill even above playing the piano. I think it's because that skill represents her and her way of life. Thank you Grandma for everything.

What a different a night's sleep makes

2008-04-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining, my list of things to do is huge and I'm motivated! Thank goodness for sleep and rest. It's another day and it looks like it will be a good one! Tonight we're going on a date to see "Shine A Light", the new Stones movie. Also, thank goodness for patient husbands.

What a crank!

2008-04-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt very nice today. This morning when replying to an invitation to a lunch happening next week I said I would bring a big fat rock in a sack! Then I declined a fun girlie invitation to eat Italian food and drink wine. Yesterday, I learned that the weird pain I'm having is due to a rip-roaring bladder infection (sorry, too much information but I don't care). Oh well, I've made plans with my husband to have a quiet night in watching Scrubs and The Office. If I don't laugh at that I must be dead!

God thinks your knees are cute!

2008-04-14T08:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in Dr. Fiedler's sermon, we were asked to think about how we approach God. When you get a visual of approaching God, do you think of yourself standing there with one hand in your pocket and a Diet Coke in the other saying, "Hey God...Wassup?...Howsit hanging?" Or are you more inclined to approach with a little more awe and humility? I know that when I'm in worship the most meaningful communion with God happens when I'm on my knees. The only thing better would be to be laying flat on my face in prayer but I can only do that at home.

Yesterday, our church dedicated new kneelers for the communion rail. I have to say they are really cushy not to mention amazingly beautiful. A total of 13 families or groups purchased them for the church in honor or in memory of a loved one...then a larger group of people spent two years stiching all 13 kneelers by hand. What a perfect expression of love for those honored, those who stiched and for the members and visitors of this church who will for years kneel in awe of God in our sanctuary.

Special Day

2008-04-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

Today, together with my father's family, we remember James Leonard Knobles on his birthday. I woke up thinking of my Grannie knowing that it will be a melancholy day. Here is a picture of him not too many months before he was killed in Vietnam...yes, that's him on the right with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon...only the best for our boys :)
Love you Grannie!

2008-04-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to talk about today so enjoy this cartoon. That Moses...what a card

My Weekly Prize

2008-04-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

Every Monday morning after I walk into the church and look at my email, I go into the sanctuary to double check for missed sign in/attendance sheets. I always worry that there was a first time visitor whose information wasn't collected so I go through each pew, look in the books again and then put the books back at the ends of each pew. Yes, you are right, this is tedious as there are probably 150 little folders for me to look through. But I have a game I play. Every Monday I look for a prize that I will put on my prize shelf in my office. One time I found a really fun slimy frog for my desk which brought unspeakable pleasure to my frequent visitors. I almost always find a pack of gum or mints...hey, finders keepers. A couple of weeks ago, I found this note that a child wrote on one of our FirstKids scratch pads that we keep in the backs of the pews just for doodling. I read it over and over and laughed every time at the word 'tord'. That just breaks me up!

I wonder how early it is that we humans start comparing our behavior, our looks, our acheivements, our 'success' and ultimately our lives with everyone else's. We simply can't help but to define ourselves in the light or the shadow of others. In order to not seem so bad ourselves, we say, "Hey, take a look at that guy! He's way worse than me". I think of my mother. Her comback would be that we're not talking about that other guy, we're talking behavior in our own house.

Anyway, this little gem of a note is getting taped to my computer so that every day I can remember to quit comparing myself to everyone else. Hey, if you're reading this and you recognize your kid's handwriting, call me...I just love your kid!

Easter High!

2008-03-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

My main goal this week has been to do whatever it takes to prolong the high I felt on Easter morning. It was the culmination of a very emotional Holy Week all of which provided for me the entire journey of Christ's love and sacrifice for us. This week, the flowers have been brighter, the sun more sun-shinier and the voices of those around me have a certain richness to them. The experience of Easter morning worship is the ultimate renewal...way more meaningful than the marking of the new year and all the promises we make during that time. The real newness comes when we are smack dab in the middle of a celebration that throws joy in your face and demands you pay attention to the love and grace God has for us.
Of course for me the best way to keep this reality in my face is to be outdoors and be 'in' God's creation...remembering again that I am a creation of God just like these amazing tulips. They are glorious aren't they? And we are glorious in God's sight.

Feeling Blue!

2008-03-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

When the dark days come, we need to remember that even if a secret sabotuer - depression - is at work temporarily derailing our progress (or so it seems), each day offers us a gift if we will only look for it. Sometimes we're sad for a very apparent reason - a overwhelming loss, for example, or worries over money or health. Other time we don't know why we feel so bad, which makes us feel even worse. It could be for a million different reasons - an appalling lack of appreciation (by ourselves and by others), exhaustion, the weather, hormones, the advent of the flu, or simply part of the process of personal transformation. It's on days like these that you can barely get yourself dressed and out the door. You look like hell and couldn't care less. You can't remember if you took a shower yesterday or when the last time was you washed your hair. Life seems bleak, not bright with promise. It's taking more work than you expected to discover who you really are, and now you're no longer sure you even want to find out.
What should you do? You have two choices: One is simply to give in, stop resisting. You've got the blues, so sing them baby! But before you do ask for grace. Then have a good cry. Use an entire box of Puffs and make an impressive pile of them on the coffee table as you use them up.
The alternative is to shift gears. Ask for grace. Put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea. Eat some comfort food...you need the happy inducing serotonin kick. But don't eat it in front of the fridge. Sit down and savor your treat. Wash your face, put on lip gloss and your newest jammies. Brush your teeth, turn out the light, thank God for the day and go to sleep.
Whichever route you take, the day will be over within 24 hours and you might feel better. If you don't feel better, love yourself enough to call for help. Get your doctor on the phone and talk and take action.

My Rating as a Wife!

2008-03-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, my very clever husband thought it would be amusing to inform me that this week he is holding my review and will be assessing my performance as the wife. Wow! ...this could go very badly! I haven't even been trying to impress him all that much and I'm just not sure I'm ready for this review. I mean, give a sister some notice!
So to continue with this fun little excercise I ask Alvaro at the end of each day how I'm doing. He always says, "On a scale of 1 to 10...." and then he gives me the verdict for the day. One evening, I had achieved an 11 (I have no idea why...I was just sitting on the couch doing my cross stitch drinking some tea in my pj's...apparently this gains huge pointage!) Then another day, he announced that I had dipped to a staggering 4.5! What?!? What brought this on you ask? I guess it was because I was stepping on the back of his flip flop with each step he took...yeah I guess that is pretty annoying so I'll accept the 4.5
But the thing is it didn't take long at all for me to shoot right back up to 9 or a 10. Either he has a major issue with short term memory or he just doesn't hold on to grievances. In all seriousness, I can't remember a time when he ever really remembered a slight I caused or a hurt I imposed.
Just today (four days into this fake and funny review process) I was completely struck by how it is the perfect picture of how I always experience God's love and acceptance. I believe that God wastes no time at all in telling me when I've not lived up to my potential of being a caring and loving person. But then it's over and I feel the complete and non-judgemental love that I always felt. There is no list of grievances stacking up against me. This is where my freedom lies. In being a cherished child of God.

When People are MEAN!

2008-02-27T16:14:00.000-08:00

Multiple Choice Question:
When people are mean your response should be:
a) cuss
b) shake your head in disbelief that someone's mama did such a bad job
c) later think of all the stuff you 'could have' said
d) look at them like they have two heads (and a couple of horns)
e) shame them with a sarcastic "Wow, really?"
f) get so mad that you cry but you don't want them to see you so turn around and walk off
g) tell everyone else how mean they are therefore making yourself a rotten person
h) none of that stuff!
I have a way of dealing with this. I have to practice a little more but it's quite simple really. Are you ready??? "It's not about you" Okay, so you can get your feelings hurt cuz no one likes to encounter mean people; it doesn't feel good. But it should only take you a couple of minutes to realize that you didn't make them mean. Mean people are either mean as a character flaw or they're just having a really bad day and they tend to take it out on other people. Either way, what can you do to control that??? Control what you can control which is your reaction to mean people. Today I encountered a mean person on the highway...incredibly mean. And it wasn't just toward me...for as long as I could see this person speeding away from me he was cutting people off, putting people's lives in danger and generally only thinking of himself. I thought about what might have happened to him today that life was so difficult. Maybe he's having marital issues. Maybe he's grieving for a child. Maybe he's just mean. No matter what it is, I can only pray that tomorrow is a better day for him (and for those of us on the road). The next time you feel offended, try a bit of compassion instead of the automatic offense and anger. It's not always easy because God gave us the emotion of anger. But maybe we can all figure out when is the best time to utilize the emotions rather than just let them shoot out like rubber bands.

It's my birthday, I'll be a crank if I want to!

2008-02-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

My birthday is in the summer so I'm not talking about my birthday today. I'm talking about my husband birthday which was on Friday. When it's my birthday, it's my birthday all month and I love to get cards and for people to remember that it's my birthday. This photo is of me (stirring my coffee with a mondo sized spoon) and my mother-in-law at Buca de Beppo. My cute husband has a different vision for his birthday...for no one but me to mention it and then to have a nice quiet night on the couch without a bunch of people making him eat a cake he may not like and then stay up all night doing the pleasantries that you have to perform when people are trying to celebrate you. When we first started dating I thought to myself, "Wow, how selfish" Here people are trying to celebrate you and you're being a big ol' crank! It only took me about 5 years to finally figure this out. It's HIS birthday, why can't he celebrate it the way he wants? With a cringe, I also figured out that the party thing was really for me anyway. I love to do birthdays and so apparently I thought I would put that on him!

So anyway, the cute husband is not a crank after all. He just wants to have the kind of birthday he wants to have. And I have finally gotten it through my dense skull that the loving thing to do is not to force a party on the man but to honor his wishes and have a quiet little day with a private little dinner out...don't even think about telling the waiter to bring a desert with a candle in it cuz', good Lord no, they might sing!

Out of Town Guests

2008-02-20T15:47:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had out of town guests for more than a week? On February 7th, my husband and I received his parents into our home and they have to return home on Sunday the 24th. My new niece Gabriela was baptized on the 9th and everyone came for the celebration. We've had guests from Colombia, Guatemala and Los Angeles. As wonderful as family is, I laughed today when I realized that my husband called me at work today to just have a conversation. We put so much into being hospitable that I think we've lost sight of ourselves. This is my first blog entry since they arrived...the routine is officially shot!
I used to think it would be horrible to say anything less than perfect about family but I know now that since we're all family I can say I feel cramped if I feel cramped. I can long for the moment that my husband and I can lay on the couch and watch CNN for hours on end on a Saturday while he naps.
I adore my parents-in-law and they know I'm doing my best in conducting myself in Spanish. When I get home on Sunday after church, I will be thinking, speaking and even blinking in English...oh glorious day :)

Ash Wednesday & the Lenten Season

2008-02-05T11:01:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. The day that marks the beginning of the Lenten Season. At 7:30 p.m. I will get the ashes on my forehead which will be the external sign of the internal reality that I am striving toward humility in God's midst. The forty days on the Lenten calendar are representative of the time that Christ spent in the desert being tempted by the devil. The culmination of these forty days is the celebration of the week of Easter that starts on Palm Sunday and ends on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. During the forty days of Lent, through Holy Saturday, it was tradition for Christians to observe a fast—not completely abstaining from eating and drinking, but limiting the kinds of food and drink as well as the number of meals.
The tradition of fasting dates back to the early Middle Ages, when examples of acceptable foods were fish, bread, and fowl, and when the consumption of alcohol was for the most part banned during the fast. Nowadays, people who choose to observe the fast are much less restricted in their choice of foods, and fasting is mostly about being modest and showing humility and restraint in one’s eating habits. For some this means giving up chocolate (agh horrors!) or meat or coffee or what ever you should really eat less of anyway...really more of a resolution than a sacrifice. Giving up something for Lent isn't a get-skinny-in-time-for-Spring-Break thing...it's a concentration on Christ's journey and a very private mental communion with God. I have friends who always ask what I'm giving up for Lent...just like they ask me about my New Year's resolutions. I always lie and say I haven't given anything up or that I haven't decided. For me, it's a very private thing...somehow just not for conversation.

However you decide to concentrate on this time make it meaningful. It may not be giving anything up at all. It may be a Lenten book study (click here to see the one offered at FUMC Dallas) or intense moments of prayer in a private place. Make it a time to explore your relationship with God and ask some really tough questions of yourself. Am I putting my faith into action by serving others? Am I being quiet and really listening to God's answers to my concerns? Am I really working to make those changes in myself that I've been wanting to change? Let these next 40 days be pure communion with God.

Controlling the Controllable

2008-01-31T06:55:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was telling a friend how I spent the morning. Between 7 a.m. and 11:30 a.m. I washed and changed the sheets and duvet cover on our bed, dusted and vacuumed the bedroom, washed the floors and baseboards in the bathroom and bedroom, cleaned out the pantry and mopped the floor in there, removed everything from the kitchen counters and scrubbed it, folded and put away all the clothes and made lists for shopping for the upcoming visit from Alvaro parents from Colombia. (I still have lots of preparring to do for that). I've been meaning to get started on this deep cleaning project for weeks now but just never had the motivation to do it. When I woke up yesterday on my free morning, my inclination was to do some excercise, study my new, "Mark for Everyone" book and then maybe do a little sewing. But then I started feeling the pressure of being overwhelmed by work, worries about friends and family health, relationships that need feeding and the state of the house. Soooooo, I decided to control the controllable. The excercise of dividing the things in my life that are under my control and those which are not is amazingly cleansing. Once I made those two lists, I got busy on the controllable list and saved the other one for bedtime prayer. And by golly, I'm feeling less overwhelmed! Eureka!
I pray all the time for the ability to put tasks and concerns into perspective and I do believe God is a list maker because I frequently get the message to make a list. I make lists of the things I need to do and even lists of things that it would be nice to do. I even have a list of the kinds of lists I would like to make just to make sure I take advantage of the ideas God so lavishly makes me think of. It may not be list making, but I'll bet God is answering prayer in a way that is perfect for you. Quietly listen and then take action.

Chili Winners!!

2008-01-29T10:58:00.001-08:00

Congratulations to all the entries for the 2008 FUMC Dallas Chili Cook-Off. Those receiving trophies are: 1st Place: Best Chili - Becomers Class, 2nd Place: Best Chili - Genesis Class and 3rd Place: Best Chili - Voyages Class featuring Steve Sims and Todd McCavitt. As is the tradition, The Lunch Bunch, pictured above in full costume, won Best Booth with their Sock Hop themed booth.
Thanks also to the Sarah Circle for welcoming the congregation and talleying the votes.

How to Relax

2008-01-23T14:44:00.000-08:00

Do you find yourself in a tizzy? Are you running in so many directions that your feet have become tangled? Have you gotten yourself into that all too familiar position of too many people expecting too much of only one you? Wait. Are you asking me? Oh, well then, YES! I haven't even blogged in over a week...and that's usually one of my ways of getting unraveled. Actually, I've been concentrating a bit more on another mode of relaxation.

In a meeting about 9 months ago, as a 'get to know you' question, we were asked about our favorite music group. As the question worked itself around the room I was having a huge struggle trying to decide my favorite. Of course I worked it into a stressful excercise because I just couldn't decide who to say. After all doesn't music say a lot about who you are? Would I say the Stones or U2? Or would I mention some of my new favorites like Sufjan Stevens or Ghostland Observatory? But what about Johnny Cash or The Possum. And how can I sleep at night if I didn't say The Doors. Finally I decided that the only one and true answer would have to be the one who has been a favorite since before I can remember...Johann Sebastian Bach. I don't care if it is the harpsichord, guitar, organ or what...I can't get enough! Listening to his compositions actually make me want to pray harder, meditate and inspire me to be a new person. Yes...it's that dramatic. My husband gets this same effect with yoga.

My charge today is that each of us find the thing that makes us decompress...forces you to stop the madness for at least an hour. It might be well thought out and inclusive prayer for someone else. It could be a physical excercise that allows you to meditate on your mental well being. It could be hand writing a letter to a friend or family member that focuses on that person and how you feel about them. Maybe you sit down with a good Bible study and learn or relearn the depth of God's love for you, God's child. Whatever it is, do it. Take the time you need to take care of yourself. Me? I'm going now to find something with a cello.

Chili Cook-Off

2008-01-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a little break from my preparations for our 2008 FUMC Dallas Chili Cook-off themed "Great Bowls of Fire". Yep, that's Jerry Lee to the right with his righteous hair! I've been listing teams, updating my task list, updating the email group list, confirming what I need to purchase, checking on the trophy order, making sure I'm publicizing to the congregation enough and brainstorming on who to recruit to count the votes. I'm chill-eeed out! Sunday January 27th is the big day. Last year, twelve teams competed and about 250 people attended this free event. My favorite part is that our congregation represents ALL generations and they ALL turn out to eat, visit, play and just have fun together. Yesterday, an eight year boy tore out the reminder from the bulletin and told his mom he wants to enter the cook-off! Yes! Full participation!

I think one of my biggest fears in church work is that I will be responsible for an event and it will be a big ol' flop therefore not being an event that our visitors will remember or our church members will want to invite people to next year. Plus, I'm a perfectionist and just can't stand to be responsibile for a flop. Yeah, you already knew that :)

Anyway, the competition is on, six teams have signed up so far and the official trash talk has commenced. Bet you didn't think Sunday school classes dish trash...to be convinced, come to the Chili Cook-Off on the 27th and witness some friendly slinging 'o trash!

Family Disfunction

2008-01-12T13:49:00.000-08:00

Are you affected? Are you a victim of family disfunction? Have you taken part in the big trend (that's been going on since Moses and before)? Of course you are. We all are! If you aren't thinking about how what your mom would think, you're a big liar! Does this mean you are scarred for life...I guess so, of course, if you choose to be...you are! Or you can you just put yourself apart...get out of it. Oh, I know what you're saying...Rach, you're in some kind of haven if you think it all just goes away especially since someone just accused me of being my mother. yipe!
I think often of my mother and her ways. It's not so hard for me since I do most things the way my mom did...I don't know if its cuz I think it's the right way or because my mom says it's the right way. Either way, I do stuff that way. Am I a victim or am I just learning?
I don't know what I'm talking about...I just had a nice conversation with my mom...so I'm just thinking about her and the fact that I'm cooking and that I'm putting the peels from my pototoes into the bag the onions came in...why would you want to waste another bag?
Some would say that I do things the way I do because I wouldn't want mom to disapprove. But maybe, just maybe, I like doing things that way too....it's a possibility. Or maybe I'm brainwashed.

Getting Acclimated

2008-01-09T06:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I don't belong here"? Maybe after you move to a new town. Maybe when given a new responsibility. Or maybe when you're faced with a tragedy or illness. How often I have found myself in that position wondering how I got where I am and having major reservations about whether or not I can manage my new situtation or surroundings. This picture is of Tiger and Vinegar, my parents' cats. Tiger and Vinegar were introduced to my family after a huge flood in Pasadena, Texas when they literally washed up to our driveway when they were only kittens. We've always assumed they are brother and sister. Tiger is the more adventurous one and Vinegar is a little more cautious. Shortly before Alvaro and I were married and we were in Pasadena for Easter, Tiger decided to take a vacation to Dallas by hopping into my trunk and making the 5 hour trip. We didn't know it till we opened the trunk at my apartment and discoved him. He was so happy to have a little time away.
Now my parents have moved to the country and here they go again...having to get acclimated again. After a quick think, they decided they don't really like cows or horses or other big animals. However, when we were home for Christmas, I found them venturing out into the field slowly investigating. They have once again acclimated to their new surroundings.
I wonder how and why. Was it because they had the constant of each other and my parents? Was it because of their own resolve? Or was it simply because they had no other choice and just had to buckle down and do it for survival. I wonder too why we humans find ourselves in situations that at first aren't comfortable. I'm never one to venture into the whole, "God is testing me" notion but I do believe strongly that God is right there with us as we bumble through. Through contant conversation and questioning of God we find our way into comfort and peace. It also doesn't hurt one bit to rely on the comfort of our family and friends...God speaking to us directing through them.
Who would ever think that cats could bring me to this understanding? Maybe God speaks through cats too. Take that you cat haters :)

I never sausage a sad face

2008-01-08T08:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry, that is pure cheese...but I couldn't help it. I've just learned that Alvaro and I don't get to go to Fredrickburg to make deer sausage with my uncle this year...it's the same weekend as the FUMC 2008 Chili Cook-Off and I'm kinda in charge of that. Man, making sausage is a fun time! My apologies to all you non deer-eating folks. Over the course of that one Saturday, my family will have processed over 500 pounds of sausage...dried one pound links, pan breakfast sausage and fresh sausage links. With my uncles very special secret, 'I'll have to kill ya if I tell ya' recipe, there is just nothing tastier!

The only thing better than the sausage itself is the time spent with my cousins, family friends and anyone else who just wants to come over and be a part of the process. My cousin Sam is in charge of making sure everyone has plenty of hot pan sausage to snack on. Alvaro is in charge of cutting up the pork that gets mixed in. I like to tie the links and prepare them for the smokehouse. My uncle, Anton, is the official stuffer and casing untangler. (yeah, is kinda gross to watch) But for how many generations has this family made their own sausage, preserves, wine and put up vegetables? How rich to be witness to these age old and well practiced traditions that once were done for survival. In this same family was passed down a rich heritage of faith in which we are always reminded that God is the source of all our necessities. Even though I know I don't get to be there, Saturday evening the 26th will end with guitars and voices coming together singing hymns and probably some great folk songs. I'll probably still get some saugage but I won't have tied any of it.

I'm an Aunt!!

2008-01-07T08:42:00.000-08:00

On December 29th, our niece was born!!! She was a week early and we were out of town so I didn't get to go to the hospital to see her. I've been visiting a couple times since we've been back to see her. She is just the smallest little thing when I hold her and she is extremely entertaining with her amazingly creative and silly faces. There are so many loving people in her life...Lilly's parents and great aunt are visiting from Colombia in addition to tons of friends. Here is my extended plan for Gabriela...watch out little one!
1. Be her cool aunt. When it's time for Lilly and Ciro to get out of the dang house for a change, Gabriela will ASK to come to my house.
2. Teach her to do the stuff girls aren't normally encouraged to do...like climb trees, dig for earthworms, play outside and get really dirty.
3. Be an influence. I'm going to be the strong voice of English as her parents wish her to be completely bilingual. Later we'll also see if she has an affinity for the piano :) lessons anyone?
4. Crafts! My poor sister and brother in law...you won't be able to see the surface of the fridge!
5. Faith. Here is the most important thing; to be another adult who will assure her that God is with her and loves her in everything she is and everything she isn't. More than anything in this world, she will need God's guidance as we all do in loving Gabriela.
Yeah for babies!!!

yea yea yea...enough about Blackacre already!!!

2008-01-02T16:43:00.000-08:00

Since, two of you have asked and commented on our pecan farm, Blackacre, I have one last photo from our Christmas vacation. I can't seem to find it but I have a picture of myself in this same place (the entrance to our fabulous and very fancy farm) from when I was about 7 or 8 years old. One of the things I like least in life is leaving Blackacre. I usually cry a couple of pathetic tears as we leave so I decided to leave this time by having Alvaro take a picture of me smiling as we left. I'm smiling because I know we'll be back and it will just as wonderful every time I'm there. Now that my parents live nearby, it's extra wonderful to be there. Spending time with them is so meaningful and it's fun to be together for longer than just the weekend. I can pretend that Alvaro and I live at Blackacre and I can just drive a couple of miles to my parents place and hang out. I guess even adults can play make believe.

Lost in the river bottom

2007-12-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

Maybe you're thinking I got lost over the Christmas holiday after our wild night of light gawking in Austin. I promise, I'm still existing on the face of this earth. It is so easy to get lost at the farm. We spent our days around Christmas at my sisters and then the day after Christmas came to Blackacre to spend a week sleeping in the cabin, taking walks to the Guadelupe and doing projects with my mom and dad. I've decided that my biggest achievement of 2007 is burning out a huge tree stump. Dad knew I would love that job so he saved it for me. Let's not talk about what that might say about me :)
I know I always write the same things about the farm but it's always true...I truly get my 'fix' in being in this place. The sounds, the sights and the answers I seem to find here. I know it's because all the other junk is out of my way and I can clearly hear what God has to say to me.
Anyway, I hope you all had a meaningful Christmas and that 2008 is full of growth, peace and love.